A Hundred Indecisions

Parenting - the amazing time suck

2010-08-28T10:53:00.003-05:00

To read a great explanation of where your days go when you become a parent, click here. It's one of the most succinct answers I've ever seen! It's an older article, but a classic. Not that I have unsympathetic singleton friends, but this encapsulates the daily agony and ecstasy that is parenting!

Post for gals only...

2009-04-17T09:22:00.003-05:00

Boys, avert your eyes... I normally don't write about this kinda personal that-time-of-the-month stuff, but this new product lives up to its hype. It is the camel of feminine protection products, it can stow a lot of flow. It's like the core is made from that Sham-wow towel (assuming that Sham-wow towel actually lives up to its hype, but you get my point). Sometimes it's worth it to pay for the upgrade.

Eye of Newt, Nose of Preschooler

2009-04-06T12:27:00.004-05:00

Last night at the dinner table we were watching the commemorative 200th episode of our regular mealtime show, "I ate 2 bites of my dinner and I'm full; may I please have dessert now." The viewers in this household falling into the Age 35-54 bracket are growing bored with this nightly program, but seem unable to break the habit. But I don't really want to talk about that.

So, we're sitting around the dinner table. We're trying to cajole MissM into finishing at least ONE of her tacos. She asked for two originally. She ATE two the prior night. We didn't even TRY to make her eat marinated chicken and pasta, like the adults are eating.

"Just finish the one taco, you've only had 2 bites!" we admonish.

But she is strong, she is unswayed, she is a pillar of defiance.

Then, out of nowhere, her father reaches over, gently tweaks the end of her nose and pretends to pop it into his mouth and eat it. Now this is some kind of weird teasing that he apparently grew up with because I've seen his dad, MissM's Grandpa, play the same thing with her. Normally, it's all fun and games. But she's tired and cranky and wants (but knows she's not getting) dessert.

Her face scrunches up and tears start to run down her cheeks. She takes two rather loud, rather wet-sounding snuffly sniffs, and before I can comfort her and tell her daddy is only teasing, she whips around to look at him, eyes narrowed.

"Now you have snot in your tummy," she tells him.

We both burst out laughing and soon she is laughing, too. No more dinner was consumed, but at least the evening ended on a positive note.

Luck of the Irish

2009-03-29T22:35:00.004-05:00

I haven't posted in a long while, primarily because I don't like to share bad news. I generally let it fester inside until some other good news comes along to offset it, to pop the blister, so to speak, and let all the evil ooze out. But I'm trying to be proactive and prevent the return of the twitch, so sit back and get comfy while I use blogging as surrogate (and free) therapy.

Several weeks ago my husband joined the growing ranks of the unemployed. With the economy in a tailspin, it's harder for anyone to find a new position, and it's certainly taking longer. We're getting unemployment payments, I've been putting in some extra hours at my part-time gig, and we've got cash reserves to cover many months of expenses (we're big Suze Orman aficionados). So I'm trying not to be stressed.

MissM has been trying to adjust to having Dad ferrying her to and from preschool. She & I have both been trying to adjust to him being around the house more, which is kinda nice in lots of ways, but still something we're having to get used to.

During Spring Break, I suggested a family outing to go watch the St. Patrick's Day parade- a free, fun outing. It would've been a great day, had I not come down with some kind of stomach flu. Instead of hanging out in Westport and watching folks drink green beer, we went home before the parade was officially over and I hung out in the master bath throwing up.

So, unemployment and puking on St. Patrick's Day. Our house surely has been cursed with the luck 'o the Irish...

It's hard to tell from this photo, but MissM did enjoy the parade.

Wacky Wednesday

2009-03-04T22:08:00.001-06:00

Wacky Wednesday, originally uploaded by Tacey.

Inside-out leggings
Backwards shirt
Mismatched socks
2 Different Shoes
Sequined belt
upside down pink skirt
funky pigtails
beads & lei
feathers in hair
Let the WACKINESS ensue!

Lucky in Love Literature

2009-03-04T13:00:00.000-06:00

My husband is generally the lucky one. If there's going to be a random drawing, a raffle, or a door prize he's more likely to win than anyone else I've ever known. But I didn't have him with me last night. And guess what? I won! I won a BOOK! (And I love books.)

Our neighborhood book club planned a field trip for this month's meeting. We all attended an author event/book signing organized by Rainy Day Books. We went to see Stephanie Kallos talk about her second novel Sing Them Home. It was a very nice evening at Unity Temple on the Plaza, albeit a bit chilly in the sanctuary. The author read a large portion of the first chapter of Sing Them Home and an essay entitled "How to Write Your Second Novel: or If you want to make God laugh, show Him your outline." She also talked about the motivations and origins of her second novel, answered questions from the audience, and shared some enticing tidbits about her next novel, currently in the works.

After the author spoke, they held a drawing to give away a copy of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and tickets to the author event in May when that author will be speaking and signing books!

Our book club adjourned to Brio around the corner for some munchies, drinks, and discussion of the book. Much fun was had by all. Next month we will be discussing The Time Traveler's Wife.

Common Scents

2009-03-03T07:21:00.001-06:00

So I'm headed to bed last night and as I enter our bedroom, I pass my husband who is getting ready for bed himself. An unexpected, yet not unfamiliar scent catches my attention as I give him a kiss in passing.
"What's that smell?" I ask. "Did you just put something scented on?"
"I just put some lotion on my feet," he responds.
"Which lotion did you use?"
"That stuff," he points to his bedside table.
"Which stuff?" I ask for clarification, as there are several containers on his table.
"The stuff in the green tube. Why are you asking?"
I pick up the tube in question and recognize the scent immediately.
"I hate to tell you this, but that wasn't lotion."
"Well, what was it?"
I started laughing...
"Hair product. The good news is, your feet will no longer be troubled by unruly curls or frizz."

Attitude and Gratitude

2009-01-23T21:27:00.002-06:00

Today was a crappy day:

MissM had a bad day at preschool today. Bit her tongue and bled and cried. Didn't get to sit next to her favorite buddy at lunch. Sulked in the nap area instead of playing with the other kids.
Husband found out our healthcare will be changing to the carrier that the best hospital system in the KC Metro no longer accepts.
I got my 401K statement for 4Qtr2008 and it's just beyond sad.
I lost my keys at the grocery store.
Our mini-grocery cart got stuck in a hole in the parking lot and tipped over, knocking MissM on her caboose and giving me a large, lovely bruise on my right shin.

But even when things suck, I still have many things to be thankful for:

My daughter loves going to preschool. Daily drama is quickly forgotten. Little bodies (including tongues) heal fast.
We HAVE healthcare.
I have an awesome job that still let's me contribute to my 401K and even honors their matching arrangement, even though I'm only part-time.
Some angel at the grocery store turned my keys in to the customer service desk.
I have dark opaque tights I can wear to obscure the bruise when I get dressed up tomorrow to accompany husband to a chamber of commerce dinner.

How I spend my time online (and how I don't)

2009-01-07T22:00:00.002-06:00

Five websites I'm into:
Johnson County Public Library - My local library is totally online. You can search for and place holds on books from the comfort of your own home. Also, my library is partnered with NetLibrary, so I can download FREE audio books for my MP3 player. The selection is limited, but FREE is AWESOME and I can ALWAYS find something interesting to check out.
Facebook - I check it a couple times a day to see what my friends are up to, and to play Mob Wars, of course.
Goodreads - Besides logging and rating the books I read, I enjoy seeing what my friends are reading.
Google Docs - I'm thinking the next PC I buy, I might not even need MS Office; for basic spreadsheets & word processing, it's the bomb. I use a freeware PDF maker to "print" receipts from online purchases as PDF files and save them in google docs for easy access, even if I'm away from home.
Netflix - I don't know why I waited so long to try this awesome, awesome service. I even got my dad a gift subscription for Christmas.
Honorable Mention: Cake Wrecks - I check this site very infrequently, but it always cheers me up. Don't look through these while drinking, as nose-gushing laughs are extremely probable. Look back at the holiday cake wrecks... too funny!

Five websites I'm totally over:
Parentdish - Meh, I used to really enjoy the articles; now I don't even read half the headlines.
Ebay - After buying THREE, count 'em THREE, Barbie Diamond Castles on Ebay from 3 different vendors in early December only to have each transaction cancelled and refunded within 24 hours, I'm done. If you DON'T have the item in stock, frigging pull down the listing!!!!
Start Sampling - This site changed format, and now it takes too much clicking to actually track down samples.
You Tube - Once in a blue moon it's fun to dig up and old Muppet Show or SNL skit, but this site is too much of a time waster to visit regularly.
Babycenter - Yeah, I don't have a baby anymore. Yet they send me preschooler weekly bulletins; I don't really need anybody to clue me into things like, "the ability to share nicely doesn't appear overnight." I haven't read a useful "tip" in months.
Dishonorable Mention: Yahoo Games - With nothing new and fascinating in the free online web games of the puzzle or word variety, I'm less likely to waste time here (which isn't really that dishonorable, when I really think about it).

The Smells of Christmas

2008-12-18T16:14:00.005-06:00

Bet you were thinking this post would be about gingerbread, peppermint candy canes, and fresh-cut evergreen. You'd be thinking wrong.

My daughter and I shared this whispered exchange about 10 minutes after she had a brief one-on-one meeting with the big man in the red suit...

MissM: "Mom, Santa smelled really bad."
Me: "Well... [insert brief pause here while my brain searched for something appropriate]. I'll bet Santa was hanging out with the reindeer just before he came to your preschool to visit. And reindeer are great big animals, like cows. And remember last time we saw cows?"
MissM: "Cows are stinky, Mom."
Me: "Yep. So Santa smells like stinky reindeer. He was probably out hugging them."
MissM: "Let's go out and see the stinky reindeer! I want to go see the reindeer! Santa's still here, so the reindeer must be outside."
Me: "No, ummmmmm, Santa sent them on an errand. They'll be back to pick him up later."
MissM: "What kind of errand?"
Me: "A secret Christmas errand."
MissM: "Oh, OK. Can I have another cookie?"

Here's hoping your visit from Santa doesn't stink! Merry Christmas!!

Five Things I've Learned the Hard Way

2008-10-01T22:04:00.005-05:00

1. Don't do crafts involving glitter at the same table where you serve meals unless you enjoy your food garnished with sparkles.

2. Don't iron naked if you have droopy, pendulous breasts. OWWWWW!!! Burnt boobies; I'll say no more.

3. Don't buy your daughter a Kidz Bop 80s Gold CD when you've heard the Mamma Mia! soundtrack four times a day for 30 days straight. I was thinking ANYTHING would be better than listening to Mamma Mia! one more time; but take it from me, I was WRONG. Kidz Bop makes me want to find a Phillips head screwdriver and plunge it deep into my ear canal. Of course my daughter... totally L.O.V.E.S it.

4. Stainless steel isn't REALLY stainless. And, yes, you can actually burn water.

5. One container of french onion dip and one bag of potato chips are not proportionately equivalent. You'll always end up with left-overs of one or the other. This forces you to then buy more of the depleted provision, but then you run out of the left-overs WAY before you even make a dent in the new stock. It's a viscious, evil, self-perpetuating cycle.

Political Views - just my humble opinion

2008-10-01T10:30:00.004-05:00

Someone asked me about my political views recently. As a starting point, this site has a straight-forward description of the different views, conservative vs liberal.

I think of myself as a conservative on most issues, although I am a little leery of the growing strength of the religious right (politics and religion should NOT mix). I do have liberal leanings when it comes to abortion (I’m pro-choice), education (I think the whole school vouchers thing is unrealistic), and same-sex marriages (I don’t feel this threatens the sanctity of anything). While I support the second amendment, I don’t think the average American really needs the right to own semi-automatic/automatic weapons. But I support the war and I don't lay all the blame for the down-turn in the economy at the feet of the GOP.

With that said, I'll probably vote Republican. Earlier this year, I stated that I wouldn't make up my mind for certain until the candidates picked their running mates. I think this is more important than usual because of McCain's age and Obama's profile. If Obama had selected Hillary as his VP (which I DIDN'T think would happen, but you never can tell...) that would have definitely confirmed a Republican vote from me, because I think Hillary is cold, conniving, and crooked as a dog's hind leg. There's NO WAY I think she belongs back in the White House in any capacity, let alone next in line for the presidency.

Now that the VP selections have been made, I think it's hilarious that the liberal media keeps blasting away at Palin's credentials and experience level. Like a two-bit stage magician... look over here as I flourish my cape, let me draw your attention to their woefully inexperienced VP candidate, isn't it horrific! Just don't look closely at my hands while I conceal our equally inexperienced PRESIDENTIAL candidate. Do you want to draft a rookie as your starting QB, or as your second string?

Another reason I will probably vote Republican is to keep a balance in the overall federal government. The Senate and the House are likely headed for Democratic majorities and a Democratic president to boot would be too much. There are good points and bad points to each party and they coexist, in part to keep each other in check. It's going to be a really close election, and I won't be surprised, whichever way the final wind blows.

I've also been asked, "why do I support the war?" Well, nobody likes war or wants to be at war. But I will say that I think the initial invasion was based on intelligence about WMDs that all the European nations and the US shared and believed to be valid at the time. Iraq didn't cooperate with the UN inspectors or abide by the UN mandates. Also, Saddam Hussein had already used chemical weapons against minority populations in his own country (180,000 Kurds killed in ethnic cleansing in Northern Iraq and 150 Shi'ite Muslims in Southern Iraq and these are just the ones that they tried him for... there may have been more). How much of a leap was it to believe he'd use them against foreign enemies, or provide them to extremists or terrorists for the same purpose.

I think mistakes might have been made in the execution of the original invasion (not enough troops sent and the initial interim governor wasn't the right person for the job - those are the two major mistakes). 72 hours after we took over in Baghdad, they delisted (decommissioned?) the entire Iraqi military forces, so now you've got thousands of newly unemployed, armed men, who suddenly had nothing to do. It's as if they partly created their own enemies, the insurgents. (There are non-military Al-Qaeda insurgents at work in Iraq, too). Anyway, that whole thing should have been handled differently. But, once the US troops invaded and took over, it would have been chaos to just pull out without helping with the rebuilding and restructuring.

Think about how long the US had troops in Germany after WWII. Our army bases in Germany and Japan are staffed with US troops at all times.We still have thousands of troops in Korea, believe it or not (over 30,000, last I heard). But we need to stay in Iraq and get the job done before we pull out completely. Recent skirmishes are showing that the new Iraqi army is learning to hold it's own. The country needs to be stabilized with a working democracy in place, a reliable army, services for the citizens up and running. Pull out too soon and insurgents could topple the new government.

It's also politically significant for there to be a democratic government in the mostly unstable Middle East that is friendly to the Western World. Our other "friends" in the middle east (Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Dubai, etc) are all monarchies. Having a democratic ally in the Middle East is a more nuanced argument for our continued presence in Iraq, one that the majority of Americans might not really care about; but the world is a smaller and smaller place and our interactions and relations with other countries impact our lives everyday, whether we realize it or not. This is where the discussion would segue into the economy but I'm just not up for that right now. I'll save that for another post.

Hoot, hoot

2008-09-26T01:08:00.002-05:00

I'm not a morning person. Never have been. My natural state is to be a night owl. Thus the post started at 1:08 AM. Not being a morning person, I don't really understand people who wake up bright-eyed and bushy tailed in the early morning hours. I don't understand them, and if they try and wake ME up bright and early in the morning, I don't LIKE them either. Waking to the sound of trite morning greetings, like "rise and shine, daylight's a-wasting" only makes me want to burrow my head under the covers and curse. When the first words I hear in the morning are, god forbid, "wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey" it actually makes me wish I slept with a loaded gun under my pillow. I'm not sure whether I'd rather blow away the offending, peppy morning person, or whether it would be preferable to put myself out of misery so I'd never have to hear that phrase again.

I married someone who is not an uber-chipper morning person, but who has the fortitude and sheer will to be an early riser when necessary. And it seems to be necessary quite frequently as of late. He does not wake me, or even attempt to, unless I've specifically requested a wake up call for an early appointment or such. I think, if left to his own devices, my spouse would not wake in the wee morning hours, but he still would get up before me.

I've yet to figure out my offspring. Some mornings she will sleep in late and some mornings she's up at the crack of dawn, standing by my side of the bed, poking me in the arm and declaring that she's hungry. Lately, she's been afflicted with severe "light" sleeping, meaning that the slightest noise in the a.m. will rouse her and we're talking before 6 a.m. frequently. That's just evil. When you're a night owl, anything before 6:00 a.m. is evil, before 7 a.m. is just mean, before 8 a.m. is not fun, but doable. But I'm the MOM now. I generally don't get the option of sleeping in (except for my glorious Saturday mornings, when spouse plays Mr. Mom and I get a couple hours in the morning to whittle down the list of TV shows and movies on my DVR).

I really want to go downstairs, right now at 1:34 a.m., and start reading the book for our neighborhood book club which just arrived from Amazon.com today. Or I could finish reading one of the other books I'm partway through right now like this one, or this one, or this one. Or I could go watch the 2-hour season premiere of Grey's Anatomy on the DVR. But I won't; because we have preschool tomorrow morning. That means lunches to be made, clothes to be picked, backpacks filled, breakfast, hairbrushing, and more fun than you can shake a stick at, all before 8:30 a.m. when we must fly the coop if we plan to be on time for class.

So here's a toast to my night owl self, who I must put to bed now. I miss you. Call me, but not too early...

Squirrelly Car Talk

2008-08-28T21:15:00.004-05:00

Yesterday morning MissM and I were in the car on our way to her Preschool Meet & Greet. So, out of the blue she pipes up from the back seat and tells me, "when I'm a grown up lady, I'm going to have a baby girl and I will name her Alaska, that's spelled J-E-L-E-N." (She has apparently called up Gwyneth Paltrow and Jason Lee for baby name advice while I wasn't looking.) Crazy as it seems, I simply spelled A-L-A-S-K-A correctly for her and silently vowed to commemorate this proclamation for use against her at some later date many, many, MANY years from now.

The Preschool gig where she gets to briefly meet her teacher for the upcoming year and see her room was all very anti-climactic as she has the same teacher and room as last year; luckily, she's a great teacher and MissM is as excited as ever. She wanted to stay and play, but the next child showed up right on time and we were shuttled off with a handful of papers and a "see-you-next-week" promise.

In the car on the way home, MissM requested the "squirrel" song from our new favorite CD, the movie soundtrack to Mamma Mia! which was one of my birthday presents. Normally she requests Mamma Mia, Dancing Queen, or Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (a Man after Midnight), so I was puzzled by her request. Upon further inquiry, it turns out "the squirrel song is number 2 on the CD, Mom! You know that one!"

Now, track 2 is Money, Money, Money. Unsure how this is the squirrel song, I cued it up and we sang along...
"Money, money, money
must be funny
in the rich man's world."

Actually, MissM's version went like this:
"Money, money, money
must be funny
it's a rich man's squirrel."

So, now you know. Money is a rich man's squirrel. I can't explain it. Maybe she's been watching too many reruns of this hilarious Phineas & Ferb song.

Summer (TV) Lovin'

2008-08-07T23:27:00.000-05:00

Summer used to mean endless reruns and lots of sports on TV. Thank god for the new trend in original cable programming that doesn’t adhere to the “school year” schedule. There are 3 shows I’m in LURVE with and would totally marry, if one could marry a TV show.

Burn Notice is just plain fun. Michael Weston is one part James Bond, one part MacGyver, and one part Equalizer, all wrapped up together in a smart, sexy, and sarcastic package. I idolize Fiona, she’s such a bad @ss; and Sam is too adorable for words, semi-retired spy, full-time boy-toy.

Project Runway Season 5 is off to a slow start. I can’t really explain my fascination with this show. I’m not exactly a fashionista, as anyone who has seen me clothed in the last decade can clearly attest to. And I’m not really a huge fan of the models. They’re all so thin, I want to invite them to dinner and feed them pasta carbonara and crusty bread and crème brulee. But watching the designers scramble and stress and succeed and fail is strangely fascinating. I love the runway show (the good, the bad, and the ugly), and I love Tim Gunn. I don’t have any favorites among the designers yet. Suede referring to himself in the third person drives me insane, and tanorexic “Holla-At-Ya” boy is annoying. So far, I don’t have any strong feelings about any of the female designers, one way or the other.

My third new summer TV obsession is Mad Men. Thanks to my mom for getting me hooked on this one. She watches because the fashions and the daily habits of the characters take her back to her childhood. I find it engrossing, but I’m not sure why. The rampant chauvinism, chain-smoking, and non-stop alcohol consumption make my stomach turn, but it’s like a horrible wreck… I can’t look away.

And coming in as an honorable mention, my daughter’s new favorite show on the Disney Channel, Phineas and Ferb! This emmy-nominated, animated delight has plenty of sarcastic humor that flies right over my preschooler’s head, but she loves it. And I love it, too. The little songs and catch-phrases are clever and cute. I’m amused by Candace’s angst at never successfully busting her brothers, Isabella’s “what’cha doin’ and her troop of super-competent Fireside Girl scouts, Perry the Platypus, aka Agent P, whose only vocalization sounds a little bit like the menacing, growly sound of the ghosts from the movie The Grudge, the cheesy and hilarious evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz, and Ferb, the boy of few words who always gets the plum and pithy lines at the end. I love them all.

We'll Miss You Bear

2008-07-29T21:30:00.000-05:00

My Country 'Tis of Thee

2008-07-25T20:36:00.004-05:00

My husband is no longer a stranger in a strange land. This morning (along with over 600 other permanent residents from 81 different countries) Mr.M became a naturalized citizen of the United States! Kansas Governor Sebelius spoke at the ceremony in Topeka.

He helped make history today as part of the largest group of new citizens to ever be naturalized in the state of KS at once. Another 650 people were granted citizenship later that afternoon.

http://www.ktka.com/news/2008/jul/25/naturalization_ceremony_breaks_records/

He's ever so excited to VOTE this November (seriously) and perhaps he'll even get called for Jury Duty (another thrilling possibility in his civic-minded heart)!

Sincerely

2008-06-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

Dear Handful-of-Readers,
The prior post was actually written over a month ago, but not posted. Apologies, but it has been a stressful time here at the house of M. But things are looking up in a big way, so here's to karma!
Sincerely,
Mrs.M

Dear New-Employer-of-my-Wonderful-Husband,
Thanks for recognizing the fabulous and hardworking gentleman that is my spouse and giving him a new job with a 50% increase to his prior base salary, plus commissions, plus a car allowance! Although, he's a great employee, so maybe you should be thanking us... Just wait, you'll see!
Sincerely,
Mrs. M

Dear Left-Eyelid,
Thanks for chilling out. It's really nice to be tic-less again.
Sincerely,
Mrs. M

Dear New-Babysitters,
My daughter loves you and your little sister who tags along. You play with her outside and take her to the pool (and actually remember to put sunscreen on her). You color pictures for her and do crafts. You fix her lunch and bring her surprises like a make-your-own-fairy-wand-kit. You played her out today and she actually took a nap. Your little sister actually cleaned up MissM's room while she napped! Made her bed and picked up all the toys on the floor! You girls both rock and we're lucky to have you.
Sincerely,
Mrs. M

Insincerely

2008-04-27T19:30:00.006-05:00

Dear Unspecified Child from MissM's Preschool:
Thank you ever so much for teaching my girl how to swallow air and burp on demand. She has become quite adept at the technique and uses every opportunity to display her new found talent. Everyone finds it quite ~~charming~~ ~~delightful~~ interesting. Really, we can't tell you how much we appreciate your thoughtful sharing.
Insincerely,
MissM's Parents

Dear Woman who Gave me the Evil-Eye at the Grocery Store Today:
Thank you ever so much for caring enough to disapprove of the unsightly bruise blossoming under my daughters right eye. A shiner like that, created from losing your balance at the kitchen table and falling out of your seat and right smack into the edge of the table, is really quite a spectacle, I agree. Unfortunately, my daughter shares 50% of my DNA and I'm fairly certain that includes my incredible klutz gene; so, in a way, it is my fault.
Insincerely,
MissM's Mom (aka Mrs. I-swear-I'm-not-beating-my-child)

Dear Left Eyelid:
As part of my body, you're fully aware that I've been planning to get some kind of regular exercise routine established. And I appreciate your obvious enthusiam for the plan, demonstrated by your recent involuntary workouts (so much healthier sounding than "twitching"). But I think I need something all-encompassing to achieve my desired results. So take some time off from your little aerobic activities, you deserve it! And, I'm not stressed, by the way; so seriously, cut it out.
Insincerely,
Mrs. M
P.S. OK, so maybe I'm a little stressed. But you are not helping.

Dear Former Boss of my husband:
*****Content has been removed, pursuant to my desire to keep this entry pleasant and polite and I honestly can't think of anything polite to say to that man that doesn't contain one of the following verbs: suck, stick, eat, or worse.*****
Insincerely,
Wife of Mr. M

MS Walk 2008

2008-03-19T10:59:00.002-05:00

My husband is participating in the MS Walk this year. Over the past several years, he's had problems with his shoulder and, for a while, the doctors were leaning towards MS as the cause; eventually they ruled it out, at least for the time being. But, through this medical journey, we've learned a lot about this disease and he wanted to help. One of his old teachers who was a great inspiration to him is also suffering from this debilitating disease. Click here to sponsor him on his Walk!

Lelli Kelly Folly

2008-03-10T19:50:00.005-05:00

Am I a bad mother for gagging at the thought of paying $70.00 for hand-beaded italian shoes for my preschooler? This company has been advertising their shoes on the Cartoon Network and, of course, my daughter thinks they are BEE-YOO-Ti-FuLLLLLLLLLLLL.

I mean, it's not like I'm Katie Holmes or Posh Spice. I'm sure REAL haute couture shoes for toddlers exist, AND cost even more than $70.00. But I really have trouble justifying spending that much on shoes for myself that could be worn for years, much less on shoes for a 3 year old who will have outgrown them within 6-9 months.

I'm thinking we're going to have to find something similar and break out the glue gun and some beads & sequins. Although she's in preschool, I don't think my budding little fashionista will be laughed out of class if she shows up in some snazzy home-bedazzled knock offs. Or will she??

Terrible at goodbyes

2008-02-13T12:21:00.003-06:00

I've been very lucky. I knew all four of my grandparents for the first two decades of my life. I lost my paternal grandpa while I was in college, and I just lost my maternal grandpa this past weekend. His memorial service is tomorrow. It was sudden, but not altogether unexpected. He'd been in the hospital or nursing home since before Christmas following a fall.

Last week a bout of pneumonia led to a chest x-ray. That x-ray discovered a tumor in his lung which had metastisized into his ribs. The doctors said six months and sent him home. The day after he finally got back home, he closed his eyes and left us. It was very peaceful.

I've been helping out what little I can. I wrote the obituary. I put together a biographical pamphlet to distribute at the memorial service. My mom and grandma seem to like it when my 3 year old daughter is around to distract them from their grief so we keep driving across town to keep them company. We've all cried and laughed and eaten food brought over by friends and family.

I tried to explain death in very simple terms to my daughter. That when you're very, very old or very, very sick your body will stop working and you die. You don't eat, or breathe, or see, or feel, or move. But your soul goes to heaven. It's a little much for a 3 year old, but I was trying to strive for honesty and going by the recommendations I'd gathered from a couple hours of research on the web after googling "how to talk to your preschooler about death". I don't know whether or not she really got it.

Last night, we were sitting in the car in my grandma's driveway getting ready to start our 45 minute drive home. It was late and she was tired, but she told me very clearly that she didn't want to go to heaven tonight. I assured her that she wouldn't be going to heaven for a long, long time (please, please, please, please, please, please, please God don't make a liar out of me).

I miss my grandpa, but in all honesty I think he's been waiting for the past two months. Waiting to go home. Waiting to be at home before he went home.

Books, books, and more books

2008-01-30T21:14:00.001-06:00

After posting my rant against The Road, here's a list of better stuff I've read lately...

First 3 books of the Shopaholic series (fun, flighty, fast reads)
Wicked (fascinating, a little heavier into politics/philosophy than I expected) (also, I must note here that books which publish their own questions/topics for book club discussion as an afterward are a bit pretentious)
Books 6 and 7 of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency (light and enjoyable reads, not heavy on the action, but beautiful language and engaging characters)
Magyk (a mediocre YA fantasy to fill the Harry Potter void)
The Twilight series (much better YA fantasy to fill the HP void with vampires instead of wizards)
Women's Murder Club series, books 3 and 4 (actually been listening to these on unabridged audio, I'm way behind on this series)

Top Ten Books I read in 2007
(in alphabetical order, because it's just too hard to rank them...)

The Book of the Dead (Agent Pendergast series, Book 7) by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
A Breath of Snow and Ashes (Outlander series, Book 6) by Diana Gabaldon
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7) by J. K. Rowling
Katherine by Anya Seton
Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum series, Book 13) by Janet Evanovich
Metro Girl by Janet Evanovich
On Writing by Stephen King (honorable mention to Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill, son of Stephen King)
The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
To Darkness and to Death (A Rev. Clare Fergusson/Russ Van Alstyne Mystery, Book 4) by Julia Spencer-Fleming
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

So, you might have noticed from my list that I'm a sucker for serial fiction. If a writer is a decent storyteller and makes me emotionally invested in the characters, I keep coming back for more. Last summer I discovered the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich and quickly caught up on all 12 novels so I'd be ready for number 13 this past fall. It's fun reading.

Lately, I've been all about fun in my reading materials. If I want bleak reality or ethics and morality debate, I can tune into the evening news or (gag) presidential campaign coverage.

(My blogger template replaces numbered lists with bullets! ARGH. Anybody know how to fix this in the template HTML?)

Mini Lit Review: The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

2008-01-25T08:19:00.001-06:00

I just finished this much-ballyhooed novel and, honestly, it's going in the pile of books for resale to the Half-Price Books outlet (along with half a dozen cheesy romances, some hideously crafted chick lit, and some painful self-important attempts at science fiction).

Top Ten Reasons Why I Didn't Like The Road

It was RIFE with sentence fragments.
It was peppered with contractions missing their apostrophe.
The dialogue is written in the irritatingly popular "quotation-mark-free" style.
When not inching the plot forward along with the movement of father and son across the wasteland, the author describes the grey, ashy, dead world over and over and over; I got tired of him beating the same dead, old grey mare. (Writing exercise 101: how many ways can you describe a post-apocalyptic landscape? Now, cram them ALL into one thin novel and reap the rewards.)
Bleak, bleak, bleak storyline ends with a somewhat unbelievable redemption which feels like a complete cop-out.
I should've known better than to fall for an Oprah endorsement again. Every book club selection she makes is depressing: life is mainly sucky, but here's a little 5% ray of hope to bring a tear to your eye.
Bursts of gore, like something out of a George Romero movie, were potent and off-putting when joined with this tale of fatherly love. I like a good horror story as much as the next guy, but the horrific episodes felt like cheap shots. I haven't read any other McCarthy novels, but apparently gore is his schtick.
The narrative of the journey gets interrupted for hodge-podge philosophical ponderings and the occasional blurb of wording that can only be described as an attempt to hide poetry within the prose; it's as if he's saying, "I'm too cool to actually be a poet, but isn't this turn of phrase stunning?"
None of the characters have names, which just bothers me.
Did I mention the sentence fragments, lack of apostrophes, and the dialogue without quotation marks???

TMI at the Dentist

2008-01-16T20:38:00.000-06:00

A couple of years ago, I had a particularly bad experience with a lady dentist who was chosen by virtue of the fact that 1) she was on the list of approved dentists for my insurance and 2) her office was walking distance from my office. Yes, I now know that these are not the most important qualities to consider when choosing a person who is paid to inflict pain upon you and berate you for less than stellar performance in the flossing arena.

So I'd gone in for a couple of cleanings, no major problems. But when I actually had to go in for a filling, the job was painful and my tears ignored. In fact, the dentist was joking, borderline making-fun-of my "low" pain threshold. I actually have a very high pain threshold (thanks to migraines, natural childbirth, and an ungodly number of shaving nicks attributable to cheap razors). To add insult to injury, this dentist spent ten minutes chatting to her sons (who were interning at her office that summer) about where they were going for lunch and who would be there and which car to take, etc. etc. etc. while she was in the middle of working on my teeth! Actually, she just sat there with her hands and tools idly in my mouth, hanging out, as it were, waiting to finish the conversation before continuing with my torture. So, after this traumatic cavity experience I didn't go to the dentist for almost 2 years.

Feeling guilty and a little scummy in the choppers, I finally broke down and chose a new dentist about 6 months ago. Once again, I let geography dictate the choice, this time choosing the dentist nearest my home (yeah, I know, I know, but it worked out OK this time). And I liked his name. And I like the nice office manager/receptionist who strikes me as a warm Jewish mother type, though not my mother, thus without all that guilt and nagging. (I now realize guilt and nagging are universal mothering tools of the trade, and not particular to Jewish mothers; perhaps they're just renowned for having perfected the art...)

So, I go in for my LONG overdue cleaning and check-up and relate my tale of woe and grief from my last dental disaster. The dentist asks who this monster-dentist was, and when I share her name, he shakes his head and says, "I'm just not going to say anything." I figure he's been brought up in the old-school "if you can't say anything nice..." method. Anywho...

I get a filling and a crown replaced with my new dentist, who uses giggle gas, and why-oh-why haven't I ever gone that route before! No tears, no jokes at my expense. My faith in dentistry is restored.

So, shortly after my return to good oral hygiene, I joined my husband in the Sonicare toothbrush revolution and I'm a complete convert now. Teeth feel super slick and clean all the time now. And at my 6 month check up this week, I got an A+ on my professional exam and an appointment for 6 months from now.

I did have a different dental hygienist this time and I got an earful while she was checking me and doing the cleaning. I walked in holding a book.

"Oh, are you a reader? Do you like mysteries? I love mysteries. Janet Evanovich is my favorite." (I gargle in agreement.) "I like those cat mysteries too, but not the lesbian mysteries. I love animals. I have 4 dogs at home now." Followed by more information than any stranger ought to know about adult kids returned home (with spouses and girlfriends and pets), son in the service, son-in-law in jail for abusing her grandkids, mother-in-law with Alzheimers... ALL this, with much more detail, and fewer breaks than the above punctuation implies. And you can't actually comment, what with all the dental implements in your mouth, which, in this case, is actually merciful, because, really, what the hell do you say to someone who spills out this personal litany while cleaning your teeth?

After my cleaning was completed and I was ready to go, I think I said something along the lines of, "OK, then. Um, thanks for the new floss." I was numb from the level of TMI in the cubicle and dying to just get-the-hell-out-of-Dodge. What can one say in a situation like this? I'll be prepared next time with one of the following comebacks:

a) "Wow, your life sucks! How do you manage to drag your @ss out of bed every morning?"
b) "Thanks for making me realize how normal my life is, comparatively speaking."
c) "OK, then. Um, thanks for the new toothbrush."

What do you think?

Christmas Meme

2007-12-01T21:25:00.000-06:00

Welcome to the 2007 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! (Props to my college girlfriend Tawny for emailing this holiday fun to me.)

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Egg Nog (Hot Chocolate is available all year...)
2. Does Santa wrap the presents or just sit them under the tree? Depends on their size.
3. Colored or white lights? white, prelit tree
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Yes (although it's fake).
5. When do you put your decorations up? Got started late this year. Our outside lights are up and the Christmas tree is upstairs in the dining room, but still in the box.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish? My grandmother's homemade clover-leaf rolls.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Waking up Christmas mornings and running to see what Santa had left.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? Don't really recall.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Sometimes we open presents with extended family then.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? It's mostly snowmen and snowflakes with some miscellaneous favorites added in.
11. Snow: Love it or hate it? Love to look at it, hate to actually get out in it.
12. Can you ice skate? NO.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Not really. I did get a really nice MP3 player last year from my husband.
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Family.
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? love them ALL
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? want to make some new ones
17. What is on top of your tree? ugly glass pointy ornament thing. Need to find a pretty star...
18. Which do you like best giving or receiving? giving
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? It's a tie between the 12 days of Christmas and Hippopotamus for Christmas.
20. Do you like candy canes? Cherry-flavored ones are ok, but, in general, I can take 'em or leave 'em.

Recap

2007-11-29T20:56:00.000-06:00

Since you last tuned in...

Early October (over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend) we had a lovely trip to Calgary, caught up with lots of friends and some family. Moira did extremely well traveling, her first flights! For some reason, we decided to start potty training like 2 weeks before this trip. (I know, foolish.) But she did fairly well. We only had two accidents the whole trip, both towards the end of the visit. (One while waiting to board the flight home, AFTER we'd checked the luggage. I had remembered to throw extra panties and pants into my carry-on, but forgot extra shoes. So I had to carry HER on to the plane, barefoot and we let her shoes air dry during the flight. Gross.)

Mid-Oct through mid-Nov, I had the mother-of-all ear infections which lasted through 2 courses of oral antibiotics and steroid ear drops. When I finally got in to see the ENT a month later, the infection had cleared up but I still couldn't hear because of a build up on the ear drum from all the flippin' drops! Oh, and when he was done checking my ears, he checked out my nose because I had reported perpetual sinus congestion on my medical history and turns out I have nasal polyps. They partially block my airways on the right. So, I've got a month of nasal steroid spray, then a follow up and possible surgery (totally minor out-patient thing, I believe).

Miss M was a kitty for Halloween and looked darling. We had over 60 trick-or-treaters;we ran out of candy and had to turn out the lights after just one hour.

November 2007 was the month for the Northern invasion. My husband's mommy drove down to surprise him for his 40th birthday. We had a little shindig for him Saturday 11/10. He got a whole bag of 40/old-guy/over-the-hill gag gifts from his mom. The best item was a T-shirt which read something to the effect of, "I'm 40 now. Too bad my hair couldn't be here with me on this momentous occasion."

Two weeks later, for U.S. Thanksgiving, hubby's Aunt & Uncle came down for a long-overdue, much anticipated visit. They brought down a belated house-warming / early Christmas present of a cedar-lined cherry chest / linen trunk, hand-made by our Uncle! It's gorgeous. Stained to match our bedroom suite furniture. I love, love, love it. They accompanied us to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandparents' house and had a nice 4 day visit with us.

Now, we're gearing up for the holidays. We'll be invading the North right back on 12/26 for a week of holidays after celebrating a brief Christmas with my family here on 12/25. Speaking of which, I must go inventory all the Christmas loot I've acquired so far, and figure out what I have left to buy!

Vacation Photos

2007-09-22T23:03:00.000-05:00

Resurfacing to share photos from our recent vacation. We spent two weeks wandering about the midwest. Not really wandering, I suppose. We first went to the Amana Colonies in Iowa, then up to Minneapolis to see the Mall of America and the Como Zoo in downtown St. Paul. Then we spent 3 days in Winnipeg and another 3 in Pinawa, for a total of 6 days in Manitoba.

That's a lot of time in the car. Thank goodness for toddler headphones and Scooby Doo DVDs (I recorded and burned a Cartoon Network marathon of old "Scooby Doo, Where Are You?" shows.) I know it seems a strange choice, but Miss M LOOOOOOVES Scooby. She can sing you the theme song. The other day she accidentally knocked my glasses off my face and promptly said, "jinkies! you've lost your glasses!"

All Vacation Photos are on shutterfly.com. (I had a coupon for 50 free prints... so I thought I'd try a new service.)

Who needs the Energizer Bunny

2007-07-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

John McClane just keeps going and going...

OK, so this movie review is not exactly breaking news as the latest installment of the Die Hard series has been in theatres for weeks now. However, Mr. M and I just saw Live Free or Die Hard tonight and thoroughly enjoyed all 2 hours and 10 minutes of it! An excellent review can be found here, more in depth than I would write. I couldn't help but notice half a dozen places where you would be expecting to hear the F-bomb, even see the actors mouths say the F-bomb, but you don't actually HEAR the F-bomb. I checked my ticket stub, and it was a PG-13 rated flick. For me, that kinda made it seem like I was watching the movie at home on TBS or something. Not that I WANT to hear the F-bomb, it just made the editing REALLY obvious to me and it distracts a little from the escapist mystique of actually seeing a movie on the big screen, in the theatre, which I don't get to do all that often anymore.

And seriously, the man is impossible to stop. Car crashes, falls through windows, down an elevator shaft (in a car), jumping to or from moving vehicles (cars, an F-15, a semi truck), getting shot. He just keeps going. And, d@mn, but it's fun to watch.

Installment four is definitely a worthy addition to the Die Hard series. Go Bruce Willis!

Two-speed bike tyke

2007-06-20T22:41:00.000-05:00

When I ordered my child, I apparently didn't read all the fine print. If I had, then I would have been aware of the fact that as the toddler becomes more adept at walking and running, the internal gear shift breaks down and only two speeds work: idle and fifth gear.

As we approach age three, my girl has morphed into this creature with only two speeds: Zoom-come-back-here-right-this-minute, and Dawdle-might-as-well-be-racing-molasses. Lately, Zoom only happens at our house immediately after she screams, "chase me!" or when she runs away because you are threatening her with Chinese water-torture, or hair-brushing as it's more commonly called. Dawdle pace occurs anytime we're actually trying to get somewhere for an appointment at a specific time, or when it's approaching naptime or bedtime.

We were at the mall the other day, trying to hit several stores before meeting some folks for a lunch date, so guess which speed we were maintaining. You guessed it! You know, at dawdle pace, we were actually lapped by little old white-haired men in tennis shoes and black socks. And these weren't even the seniors walking the mall for exercise, these were just old men ambling around the mall while their wives shopped. It was a little embarassing.

I've been informed by more seasoned parents that this phase shall pass. However, I should also be prepared for the boomerang recurrence as she approaches those fun-filled teenage years! Joy.

Disclaimer

2007-06-16T16:00:00.000-05:00

Saturdays are typically the glorious day that I get to sleep in and my dear husband gets up with our munchkin and spends the morning with her. Sometimes when I wander down in the late morning, the two of them have gone off to run errands. Grocery store, lawn and garden center, post office, bank, etc.

I love those mornings. I wish I got more accomplished on those mornings, but relaxing is something that I don't indulge in much anymore. So, in a way, I am accomplishing something important.

I do have to say though, there are times when I've considered getting up early with them, just long enough to help my daughter get dressed. Because my husband's fashion sense for a little girl is beyond impaired. It's MIA. When he dresses her, sometimes I wish he would just add a post-it note to her forehead that says, "Mom slept in this morning and had nothing to do with my choice of clothing." That's a bit wordy, though. How about a post-it proclaiming, "Daddy dressed me today!" It's chipper and absolves me wholly from the fashion fiasco.

That said, I wouldn't trade my Saturday mornings for anything. Besides, soon enough my daughter will want to start choosing her own outfits and then I'll have to be seen in public with my own preschool version of "What Not to Wear". Lately, she's been in love with her butterfly dress, which is a little polyester print dress her grandma got for her last year. It's starting to get a little too short, but if it was up to her, she'd wear it EVERY DAY, dirty or clean, doesn't matter much to her. I bought her a couple of new sun dresses a couple weeks ago, but she's still in LOVE with the butterflies.

Do I jump?

2007-06-13T21:59:00.000-05:00

I've been moderating the following internal debate:

Issue: Should I pursue a serious attempt at being a writer?

Pros:
1. It's what I've always wanted to do.
2. It would allow me unlimited flexibility in my work schedule.
3. It might actually make me happy.

Cons:
1. Maybe I'm only good at writing in the same way that all those American Idol cast-offs think they're good at singing.
2. I already have a superbly flexible part-time job that pays real money twice a month.
3. Maybe I'll start writing and only make myself more tortured than I already am.

The debate ~~rages~~ simmers on... discuss amongst yourselves.

For photo lovers...

2007-06-11T16:55:00.000-05:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tacey with a few new pictures of Miss M.

Different kind of Flower Girl

2007-06-11T16:13:00.000-05:00

So, this is what happens when you combine:

1- distracted mom, folding laundry

2- curious 2-year-old, fascinated with anything colorful

3- bag containing 20 left-over leis from a bachelorette party, unattended on the dining room table

Miss Lei 2007.

Dormant

2007-05-01T21:38:00.000-05:00

Haven't been up to writing. But things are looking better. Check back later this month...

Blip...

2006-11-15T00:15:00.000-06:00

Just a quick blip on the radar to say I'm not lost... just overwhelmed with tasks and underwhelmed with spare time, inspiration, and creativity.

Fri Nov 17 we will be heading to the great white north (SK) for our annual holiday pilgrimage. Much laundry, packing, Christmas wrapping, stress, hand-wringing, and headaches will transpire in the next 48 hours. Please send positive thoughts of strength & fortitude to get me through the preparations.

It really is the "getting ready" rather than the trip itself that stresses me the most. Once we're in the car and on the way... I'll be fine. Really. I will. I just keep telling myself that. Over and over. Because repetition will MAKE it true. Right?

Fall Photo

2006-11-11T17:44:00.000-06:00

I love this photo. She was having so much fun playing in the leaves!

TV vs Bedtime = DVR

2006-09-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I broke down and bought a DVR. There are too many primetime shows that I'm hooked on and I'm having this problem actually watching TV during the primetime hours due to a certain Miss M throwing nightly protest rallies against the tyranny of bedtime.

Oh, woe is me, if I attempt to put to bed the young mistress of the household if she is not ready. And the getting ready includes (in this order):

1. brushing her teeth
2. taking a bath
3. wanting out of the bath tub to use the potty chair in an obvious attempt to avoid hair-washing
4. dripping water all over the floor and the potty chair, but not really using it
5. complaining when put back in the tub to continue with the shampoo routine
6. pulling the plug and waving bye-bye to the water
7. getting wrapped up in a towel and held up to the bathroom mirror
8. squealing "nekked baby" with glee at her reflection
9. getting a "nice clean diaper" and pajamas on in her bedroom
10. reading five books while sitting in mama's lap in the rocking chair
11. about half-way through book four, repeatedly requesting to go to "mama's bed"
12. when that plea is ignored, switching to "nana's bed"
13. turning the lights out after book five
14. exchanging the following remarks:

"rocking chair or your bed?" mama asks
"mama's bed," Miss M suggests
"rocking chair or your bed?" mama asks
"nana's bed," Miss M suggests

15. repeating above exchange 5 or 6 or 10 times
16. finally choosing rocking chair
17. 30 second later, start chanting "bed, bed, bed"
18. laying down in her crib and pulling up the covers
19. saying, "mama in rocking chair, pleeeeeease"
20. watching mama rocking for 5-30 minutes while chewing noisily on pacifier, flopping around in the crib like a fish out of water, and otherwise engaging in any activity that will prevent her from actually falling asleep
21. reminding mama to "be right back" if mama leaves before she has fallen asleep
22. mama agreeing to come back and check on her in a little while
23. if it's a good night, actually falling asleep without any further ado
24. if it's every other night, starting to wail for "mama" about 6.2 minutes after being left
25. mama returning to her room and skipping back to step 19 and repeating until we can escape the loop with a step 23 ending

So this is the process that, for the present time, and for the foreseeable future, prevents me from watching live primetime programming. So my DVR with an 80 Gig hard drive is programmed to record the following shows every week:

Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Heroes (NBC) *
Studio 60 (NBC) *
Jericho (CBS) *
LOST (ABC)
Project Runway (Bravo)
Ugly Betty (ABC) *
Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
ER (NBC)

The shows with asterisks are new and may or may not make the cut once my hard drive starts filling up...

"Hello, my name is Tacey, and I'm a TV-aholic."

Pixar poisoning

2006-09-19T22:03:00.000-05:00

We've watched Finding Nemo about 27 times in the past 2 weeks. At first it was nice that something was keeping Miss M's attention for more than 18 minutes at a time. But somewhere around viewing number 19 I started experiencing the following symptoms:

singing "just keep swimming, just keep swimming" at odd moments
imagining Robert Barone as a puffer fish while watching Everybody Loves Raymond
humming "somewhere, beyond the sea, somewhere, waiting for me..."
craving a glimpse of the big blue ocean
feeling disconcerted when I see Ellen Degeneres and she's not actually bright blue

I think I'll be OK, I've got lots of strength to fight this off. But I think Miss M is starting to experience symptoms as well... last night I heard her chanting, "shark-bait, hoo-hah-hah".

Juror Number 43

2006-08-20T22:22:00.000-05:00

I spent several days at the Federal Courthouse for the district of Kansas this past week. We were initially warned that there was a case scheduled to start that week which was slated to run 4-6 WEEKS! Now, I know I was kind of looking forward to jury duty, but 4-6 weeks??? That's just crazy. As it turned out, our jury pool spent all day sitting in the jury assembly room on Tuesday, we didn't have to go in Wednesday, and Thursday we were there from 8:30 - 10:00 am. Just before we were released, the chief judge of the district came down to thank us and to apologize for having us sit around so much. But, as it turned out, our mere presence there as a potential jury may have influenced the criminal defendants to finally accept guilty pleas.

The 4-6 week trial (that never was) started out as an international drug smuggling case with 20 defendants. By the time we were called in to serve, all but TWO of the people charged had plead out. The last two were a husband and wife who owned the business out of which the whole drug ring was operated. On Tuesday, while we all cooled our heels in the jury assembly room, the husband had his attorney try every delay attempt in the book. When those all failed, he ended up pleading guilty.

The wife was not going to change her plea though. So the judge gave her a continuance until Thursday morning to try and reach a deal. As of Wednesday night, the lawyers told the judge that she was going to agree to a plea. However, this same woman had twice before told her lawyers she would plead out, only to change her mind once she actually made it into the court room. So the judge had the jury pool come in again on Thursday morning.

That morning, at 8:30 her attorneys said she'd changed her mind AGAIN and would not be pleading. So, they were set to start court at 9:30. Sometime in that hour, she changed her mind AGAIN! So between 9:30 & 10:00 she made her guilty plea official. Then the judge came down, gave us the entire scoop on what had been going on, and let us go with thanks.

So, I didn't get to serve on a jury... yet. I have to call back in over the labor day weekend to see if I have to report in on September 5th. Federal Jury duty is a 2 month obligation. So, I've still got a shot at a mini-vacation from my own reality.

What I did with my summer vacation...

2006-08-08T22:09:00.000-05:00

This entry will be sad, very sad, because:

My summer vacation was only 4 days long.
Two of the four days were spent driving 10+ hours each day.
The driving was done with a 22 month old toddler in the car.
Said toddler is very likely cutting her 2-year molars, as is evidenced by the recurrent line of drool running down her chin, the sticking-of-fingers-down-her-throat, a pervasive disinterest in most solid foods, and a marked increase in crankiness.
Said toddler also had a completely disrupted nap and sleep schedule over the 4 days, just what was needed to crank the crankiness up to the next level.
The 2 days not spent driving were spent in exotic and fascinating Fargo, ND.
Seriously, Fargo.
The 2 days were spent in a Holiday Inn, and right down the hall from my in-laws.
Seriously, my in-laws.
One of the 2 days was my birthday. (Happy 29th [for the 6th time] to me.)
The Citizen Eco-Drive watch my husband thought he had bought me for my birthday, was not, in fact, an Eco-Drive watch, but a plain old Quartz watch which I can't wear because I kill the battery within 2 weeks flat (some crazy personal electro-magnetic thing).
Because we were out of town, my birthday cake was store-bought; while it was not half-bad for store-bought, it wasn't anywhere near home-made quality.

So, with my whiner temporarily whined out, I will say that the visit with the in-laws went very well. They drove down from Saskatchewan and we headed north from Kansas City; Fargo is where we met half-way. They had not seen Miss M since last Christmas, and she's grown and developed SOOOO much in the past 8 months, we were overdue for a visit.

I was a little fearful that she might play shy around them, but we spent the weeks prior to the trip looking at pictures of our Canadian family and saying their names. She took right to them and treated them just as if she saw them everyday! She charmed and amazed everyone with her curls and verbal skills.

So, my summer vacation is over. We were planning to go somewhere later in August for a whole week (a whole week away from home with a toddler; how can I stand so much FUN? I know, I know...). However, something even MORE FUN popped up unexpectedly on my calendar for August and September; yes, I have the honor, nay, the privilege of being selected for Federal Jury Duty for the KCK district! So I have to call in each weekend to see if I have to report in the following Monday. Kind of makes it hard to plan anything. I'm kind of hoping to get picked for something (something white-collar and non-gruesome, preferably), because the court house doesn't allow ANY electronic devices inside AT ALL. I'll have to take an actual pulp and ink BOOK and get some quality reading done! For anyone with a toddler, un-interrupted reading time is BETTER than a physical vacation. It's a mental vacation. In fact, if I can find someone to serve me a frozen margarita at the court house, I may never leave...

Well, that's a first!

2006-07-22T14:58:00.000-05:00

Turning 21 is one of those milestone birthdays. It's been over a decade since that particular milestone for me, but I was challenged to share "21 firsts" from my life and it's made me nostalgic for those good old days when we still looked forward to those impending milestone birthdays, instead of dreading them... At the [ahem] ripe old age of 33, what do I have to look forward to? Turning 35 when my fertility starts nose-diving? Turning 40 and officially being the age when it's appropriate to start receiving cards that joke about getting older? Turning 50 and all the "over the hill" gag gifts? Nope, nothing to look forward to except retirement, which seems to be getting further and further away... 65, no wait, 67, or is it even later than that now?

Anyway, enough looking forward... let's look back, shall we?

First friend: Aimie Mikhelle Taylor – from grade school
First pet: Yorkie named Winston who died very young of the Parvo virus when I was still in grade school
First movie that scared me silly: Raiders of the Lost Ark (not the snakes, but the flying evil spirit things at the end when they opened the ark)
First record I ever bought: a 45 of Styx - Mr. Roboto (ugh!)
First pair of glasses: sixth grade, clunky plastic frames
First kiss: Scott somebody, he was the cousin of a friend, we were in middle school and it was a horrible, slobbery disappointment
First Car: Silver 1979 Pontiac Firebird
First boyfriend: P@ul, the troubled older bad boy
First formal dance: Junior Prom with aforementioned P@ul
First love: J@mez
First ‘good’ jewelry: tiny diamond stud earrings from my daddy on my 18th birthday
First concert: ZZ Top, opened by the Black Crowes 1991
First inebriation: at a Univ of Mo-Rolla frat party on cheap pineapple rum
First job out of college: Temping at an insurance company, processing auto collision claims
First NEW car I ever bought: 98 Acura CL
First Travel outside of US: Winnipeg, MB Canada spring 2000
First true love: My hubby!
First house purchased: Aug 2000, 4 bedroom, 3.5 bath, never-EVER buy a Pulte house, 2 story with finished basement and fenced yard
First child: Miss M, 22 months now
First thought this morning: “You didn’t go to bed until 11 pm last night, my daughter. How can you be ready to get up this early!!!!! It’s not even 8 am yet!”
First thought upon starting this list: “I’ll never be able to come up with 21 firsts.”

Melting...

2006-07-17T00:58:00.000-05:00

It was hot, H-O-T, hot here in KS this weekend. And the coming week promises nothing but MORE hot, humid, and nasty weather for your sweating enjoyment. We’re talking over 100°F (in the shade!) at the old casa today. Ugh. We spent all day in the air conditioning today.

Last night we were forced to sleep in the basement. See, we are having another round of home repairs being perpetrated on our house. And the siding all along the northwest side is ripped off. The head of our bed sits along the northwest wall and without that siding, it is near impossible to cool the room. A ceiling fan, two oscillating fans, and air conditioning providing optimal air rotation could not cool the room. I moved the digital cable box out of our TV armoire in the bedroom, down to the living room. Can’t stand to watch HBO in the heat, you know.

My best friend at work found out fabulously good news last Friday! She finally passed a particular actuarial exam that has been the bane of her existence for the past few years. I think the key to her success this time was the fact that she no longer loses 2+ hours a day in commute time AND she has a more supportive network of peeps encouraging her! I want to tell her that I’m so very proud of her, but every time I try to work out how exactly to say it, it comes out sounding condescending, as if she were my subordinate, and really, she’s above me at work on the corporate pecking ladder. Anyway, YEAH for her!!!!!!

I feel like yet another weekend has gone by, and I missed it. As Ferris Bueller says, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.” Spending all weekend inside, hiding from the oppressive heat, and you miss things. I could be outside right now, baying at the moon like a lovesick coyote, but it’s just too durn hot… I’d start to howl, but would just end up panting and looking for a cool puddle to lap up. The moon is pretty cool looking tonight though. It reflects a pale yellow blob in the shimmery black Tahitian pearl glow of the water in the kiddie pool in our back yard.

I should have spent the weekend writing, since I was cooped up inside anyway. Why didn’t I? (smacks forehead) oh yeah, I have a 22 month old who wants to sit in my lap and go to Playhouse Disneyor kneebouncers or PBS Kids whenever she sees me at the PC. So I’m writing after midnight, again. Writing, or the lack thereof, is an important touchstone in my life. When I’m not writing, I’m usually not doing all that well, emotionally and mentally. Then I bounce in with a flurry of work, get my self dredged up out of the doldrums. Once that’s achieved, I frequently end up over committed to projects and to-do lists and eventually slip back down the slippery slope of feeling inadequate to accomplish all my little goals. It’s a really sucky cycle that I desperately need to break.

Still sweet, but sugar-free

2006-06-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

Where, oh where, has this little girl been? Well, I’d like to say that I’ve been holed up in a hotel somewhere protesting the serious lack of quality musical revivals in modern theatre with a bed-in, ala Yoko Ono and John Lennon. All I am saying, is give Grease a chance. Alas, it’s been nothing quite so glamorous.

Luckily, it’s also been nothing horrendous or earth-shattering, like an outbreak of pandemic flu in our neighborhood. Or a tragic flap-jack shortage that forced widespread rioting at IHOP and Denny’s locations all over the metro.

No, I’ve simply been a) too tired b) too blue or c) too grumpy to bother updating. However, I’m seeking help for this triad of tedium. Turns out I have a medical condition called Insulin Resistance. It’s not like Diabetes, where your body doesn’t produce insulin to process the sugars you eat. My body actually over-produces insulin, but my cells don’t process it correctly. So it produces more, and more, and more, until all of a sudden the insulin finally kicks in and my blood sugar drops WAAYYY too low.

It explains so much: weight gain, carb & sugar cravings, feeling sick if I go too long between meals. This is not to say that my eating habits did not contribute to my weight issues. I know better than that. But this does explain why I have trouble losing weight, even when I really try dieting.

So after a three hour glucose-tolerance test which included insulin level checks, and a referral to a specialist (endocrinologist), my biggest fear was that I’d go to the specialist and be told to eat less and exercise more. As if I’ve never heard that before.

Actually, I was prescribed a diabetic medicine and advised to try a low-carb diet and incorporate exercise into my daily routine. So, I was told to change my eating and exercise more. BUT, I was also given a medicine, which I’m hoping will improve my body’s insulin processing.

I’ve done a lot of research online too. There’s unfortunately a lot of holistic, granola-vegan-fur-is-murder-homeopathic websites out there recommending a laundry list of natural supplements and suggested food alternatives. I can’t say that this stuff doesn’t work, but UGH, I’m not really up for a seaweed and bitter melon salad.

So, I’ve started taking the medicine and made some changes to my diet. I’m not yet completely prepared to embrace the low-carb lifestyle, but I have cut sugar from my diet. And this is no small feat. Seriously, hello my name is Tacey and I’m a sugar-holic. I am an addict and sugar is my smack. They have detox centers for alcohol and drugs. And if you had a substance abuse problem, your insurance would pay (at least partially) for your treatment. But sugar addiction… detox is called a diet center or health spa or fat farm. Practically no insurance covers that treatment. It’s patently unfair. And with the epidemic of obesity in the country, you’d think insurance companies would prefer to pay 6K – 10K in nutrition counseling and fitness assessments versus 10 or 20 times as much in fees to cardiologists and internists treating heart disease, diabetes, and the myriad of other life threatening diseases caused by obesity.

Some people argue that too many people regain the weight, which makes weight loss treatments uninsurable. Yet, despite relapse rates for alcoholics and drug addicts, insurance companies continue to pay for rehab for treatment of their addiction.

So, if I ever become Bill Gates or Oprah Winfrey rich, I’m going to start a non-profit organization to lobby for changes in the insurance industry. Stop treating obesity like an ugly red-headed step child!

Back to reality… I’ve been basically sugar-free for over 3 weeks (with the exception of a couple days where I fell off the wagon, but jumped RIGHT back on…). Eventually, I plan to try the South Beach Diet, but I know myself. If I try too many drastic changes all at once, I’m just dooming myself to failure. So, sugar-free is my first step. Next week (once I get over this cruddy summer cold that has sidelined me with a head full of mucus and a $3.99-a-minute gravelly phone-sex voice) I’m going to start some kind of exercise plan. It may only be walking a couple of times a week. But you have to start somewhere, right? Or maybe I’ll take up a new sport, like beer pong, the bastard child of ping pong and that favorite college drinking game of quarters... with one of those sugar-free low-carb beers, of course.

Absolutely FREE!

2006-05-10T11:31:00.000-05:00

I LOVE freebies! What's not to love. I get stuff, I pay nothing! It appeals to my frugality. I occassionally even brave the grocery store or wholesale club on a Saturday for all the free food samples.

There are hundreds of websites offering the inside scoop on freebies! Some freebie sites are home-grown mom-n-pop sites that TRY to keep current, but frequently the offers they list are out of date or expired. It's frustrating to wade through pages of content looking for an interesting freebie offer, only to find a link that takes you to a dead end.

Then there's the dark side of freebie offers... those crazy websites that make you sign up and provide all your contact information, then they sell your data to spammers and never really send you any free samples.

But in the murky waters, there are a few FABULOUS sites that I can count on to provide awesome freebies.

Start Sampling - a warehouse of various samples, you can select ONE every 24 hours. Sometimes they have nothing of interest, sometimes they have 3 or 4 cool things all at once. Makes it worthwhile to check on a regular basis. And, from my experience, you actually GET the samples you select.
Dove Website - AWESOME samples available periodically. Once you sign up for a freebie, they seem to email you each time a new product is being offered as a sample.
Post-It Perks - DOUBLY AWESOME. I admit I have an office supply fetish (with an emphasis on writing implements, but I digress). So free 3M products ROCK!
Olay - Much like Dove, frequent samples, great products. Love it.

My hubs works for one of the major US office supply companies on the commercial management side and frequently gets vendor samples... of PENS, and PAPER, and other cool office goodies. It's like being married to the ice cream man! Too yummy.

Do you have any favorite freebie providers?

Yeah! Spring is here!

2006-04-13T21:24:00.000-05:00

Yeah! Spring is here!,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

She loves being outside. Here she is playing with her Elmo beach ball from her Canadian grandma. Look at that grin!

Happy Easter 2006

2006-04-03T21:20:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter 2006,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

I got to visit the Easter Bunny last week! Mom wasn’t sure whether or not I’d be scared of him, but he’s a big, fuzzy bunny- I LOVE bunnies, I wasn’t afraid at all. I played with his big basket of eggs and even counted them for him. He had seven eggs in his basket!

I sat in his lap and we took a picture. Here’s our photo!

Guaranteed Smile

2006-03-29T21:11:00.000-06:00

This video was TOO cool not to share! Make sure your speakers are on, the sound is essential. Total props to Woulda Coulda Shoulda for posting it on HER site and making me smile tonight, even though my hip hurts so much, you'd think I'd let an elephant sit on my lap. Sigh.

Verbal Explosion

2006-03-16T16:04:00.000-06:00

I know, I haven't posted in WEEKS. But, you see, I've been caught up in a new trend at our house. It's the "whas sat?" game. Played all day, every day. Your toddler points at a person, place, or thing and asks "what's that?" only it sounds more like "whas sat?" because she's a toddler, for heaven's sake, and her pronunciation skills are still developing.

This past week, an outside observer would assume our little 18 month old angel has an obsession with surgical removal of the appendix and roosters. This would be a logical assumption given that she runs around the house pointing and announcing "appy" and "cock" at least a dozen times each day. To the more seasoned observer, it's clear that she is still having trouble with "L" sounds, thus "apple" is "appy" and "clock" is "cock". Taking her out in public, anywhere that happens to have a clock, is such fun. She points and repeats, loudly and urgently, "cock, cock, cock!" until you confirm for her, "Yes, that is a cLock! Clever girl!" just as loudly, but with a red-tinged face.

All that aside, just in the past month her vocabulary has EXPLODED. She knows TONS of words now. And not just ones we've taught her. She picks them up, just from listening to us. She can recognize a handful of shapes, over half her digits(2,3,4,5,8,9,0 are all easily named, while 1,6,&7 seem to give her trouble), and she's starting on letters now.

We've started calling her a little girl, instead of a baby, because she really is, all of a sudden, more like a little girl, and less like a baby. But, I'll still say things like, "put down that XYZ, that's not for babies, that's for mommies and daddies." I said this to her the other day when she got into the utility drawer and pulled out a hammer. She held it up to me and said "hammer" (one of her alphabet learning toys has a picture of a hammer for the letter "H") and I told her "hammers aren't for babies, let's put that away please" as I took it from her. She looked up at me and asked "girs?" It took me a minute, but then, trying very hard not to laugh at her cleverness, I told her "no, it's not for little 'girs' either!" She's SOO quick.

Girls Gone Wild in her future?

2006-02-16T22:32:00.000-06:00

Girls Gone Wild in her future?,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

This better be the ONLY picture ever taken of my daughter, at any age, in this particular state of dress: topless and wearing Mardi Gras beads...

The TomKat Crazy Train

2006-02-15T12:20:00.000-06:00

OK, I just read this news story about the reported break up of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I don't really care whether it's true or not. I normally don't even blog about celebrity news, but this line completely creeped me out:

"The report concludes by saying Cruise will buy Holmes a house nearby so she can visit their child whenever she wants and that the stars will have joint custody."

So that "SHE" can visit?!?!?! This would imply he's keeping primary custody. He, who rides the wacko-couch-jumping-vitamins-can-cure-depression-psychology-is-a-scam-scientology-is-the-true-answer crazy-train!??! I can not smack my forehead enough times to convey my disgust at this possibility. That he has spawned was bad enough... I'm going to go be sick now.

Book, Bonding, and Belly Button

2006-02-07T21:15:00.000-06:00

Book, Bonding, and Belly Button,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

She hates to wear onesies now, because it prevents her from locating her belly button at whim, a fascinating new pasttime. She loves reading her favorite books, over and over and over and over (parents of toddlers everywhere are familiar with this OCD behavior). And, of course, she loves her daddy.

Kicking and Screaming (me, not Miss M)

2006-02-07T18:45:00.000-06:00

Being the mother of a toddler is going to force me into being a tidier housekeeper. Counters and tables are no longer safe, now that she's mastered the art of walking and gained a little height in the latest growth spurt. In the past week alone, she has pulled down an amazingly broad range of un-toddler-friendly items including (but not limited to): mom's hairbrush, a bottle of Excedr1n Migraine, a travel-size bottle of Auss1e Spray Scrunch, a fluorescent pink highlighter, a plastic tackle box full of screws, nails, and picture hangers (luckily a snapped shut box that rattled loudly and was promptly, nay, immediately taken away from the bandit), a butter knife, a calculator, and a baggie full of chocolate drops. Luckily, due to diligent supervision, none of these items were ingested or used to inflict bodily injury.

But it is tiring, you can't be vigilant EVERY single second. (You can, but it's exhausting.) So, the alternative is to clear off all surfaces accessible to curious little hands. In our house of clutter-bugs, this is a m.a.s.s.i.v.e undertaking. For now, items have been shoved to the very back of counters, hence the normally messy counters look even more atrocious.

So, I begin the onerous task of straightening up and clearing off the horizontal surfaces of our household. Pray for me, that I am not lost in the shuffle!

TV confessional - don't touch that dial

2006-02-06T22:00:00.000-06:00

TV is one of the many pervasive addictions in my life. I've already cited LOST, ER, and Desperate Housewives as my top choices. (Did you SEE the LOST promo during the Superbowl? With abject apologies to Robert Palmer... I might as well face it, I'm ADDICTED to LOST! That spot was awesome.) (Another superbowl commercial tangent, l.o.v.ed. the "Priceless" MasterCard MacGyver spot. My husband asserted that it was not really the same actor as from the original TV series, to which I responded, "are you sure? 'cause that really did look just like him!" But he seemed certain. However, googling today yielded that I WAS RIGHT, it WAS Richard Dean Anderson in all his super-handy-too-cool-for-school glory! Proof and more goodies at http://priceless.com/film/worldpremiere.html).

My newest guilty pleasure? Grey's Anatomy. I overheard a couple of coworkers discussing this show, and thought I'd give it a try, seeing as it's on right after Dire HausFraus. Now I'm hooked. Can I sadly tell you that I'm actually excited that Season One will be released on DVD tomorrow. Even though it's only a partial season, like 9 eps maybe. L.O.S.E.R. That's me. I have yet to try http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/ for recaps of GA, only because, if they are there, I'll waste HOURS reading them all. I love that site. Great for catching up on plot lines when you miss an episode.

I used to LOVE to watch Law & Order reruns, but I got burned out on them around the time I was pregnant, too much murder and darkness for my hormone-riddled self. I also enjoyed forensic type shows, from CSI to the real stuff on Court TV and the History channel. But I had to stop watching them when I started having night terrors about coming home to find my husband bleeding a corpse in the bathtub or about digging up bodies in our backyard. My mind hangs onto that stuff, for some reason. I also had to give up horror films, which I used to LOVE in my teens and twenties, same reason, outta control sitting-up-in-bed-and-screaming-in-my-sleep night terrors.

And I must confess to occasionally watching what I like to call "filler" TV. You know, when there's really nothing on, but you flip through all the channels and land on something that you normally wouldn't go out of your way to watch, but since there's nothing else on... My filler shows include things like: reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, miscellaneous room redesign shows on TLC or STYLE or HGTV, and old 80's brat pack movies that I've seen a gazillion times. Will you admit to any "filler" TV shows?

Memoirs of Minutiae

2006-01-23T18:38:00.000-06:00

I'm going to blame this one on sheer mental fatigue. Over the last few weeks, anytime I get on the elevator at work, it takes me forever to decide which button to push, which floor I need. This wouldn't be worth mentioning, except that I work in a two-story building. TWO STORIES. Yep. The 1st floor has the main entry and a couple of financial offices, and the second floor is entirely occupied by the company for whom I work. This should be a no-brainer, right?! If I'm coming TO work, push "2", go UP to the office. If I'm going home, push "1", go DOWN to the lobby. But lately, this stumps me for at least a good fifteen seconds.

And before anyone comments- yes, I know, I could take the steps (it's just one story to climb, after all). But the smokers lurk just outside the doors to the staircases. I can't stand walking through that haze of smoke to get in the building. I tried holding my breath as I walked through them, but it made me dizzy and I fell half way up the steps.

Shake it up...

2006-01-18T22:08:00.000-06:00

This week I've made a couple of drastic changes. Twice I've gotten up EARLY in the morning, before my daughter even wakes up, to exercise. Yes, me, the I'm-SOOOO-NOT-a-morning-person gal, up before 7 am, voluntarily. Earlier in the week I tried to exercise mid-morning while MissM was up and with me, but she just kept throwing herself at my legs and wanting to be picked up. And, while holding a 20+ pound toddler while trying to walk away the pounds would probably boost my metabolism, I'm just not up for that particular challenge yet.

And today, I chopped my hair. Well, I didn't actually do it. I went to a professional. I'd been putting off getting a haircut for nearly a year. But I got the name of a good stylist and went in and let her loose on my mane of straggly split-end, grown out highlight, ragamuffin long-@ss hair. Now I have light, swingy, swishy, layered, shoulder length fluff that I hope I will be able to style tomorrow after I shampoo it. She cut off A LOT of hair. I watched her sweeping up afterwards and I could've stuffed a throw pillow with all the hair she chopped. Not that I'd want a pillow stuffed with human hair, cause that's just weird.

I had a couple of good eating days earlier in the week, but it has since gone to hell. I figure I need to get myself on an exercise routine first (one thing at a time, otherwise I'm just dooming myself to failure), then focus on the food. I have, however, talked myself out of fast-food snacks and late night binges several times, events that I would normally have indulged in without a second thought. But my food choices at meal times are still pretty crappy. I'm blaming it partially on the old "it's that time of the month" excuse, because, well, it IS that time of the month. So there.

They are doing a "biggest l0ser" type contest at my office and I seriously considered joining, but decided to skip it when I found out that my starting weight would be public for the entire office to know. I just couldn't do it. There's no way I would let everyone know that. I've been told that I carry my weight well, and that I don't look like I weigh as much as I actually do. That said, there's no one with eyes in their head that would not see that I am obese. But to have that number publicized... I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So I am competing, but they don't know it. I'll just track my own progress. Of course I won't be eligible for whatever lame-o prize they decide on. But success would be its own reward.

Anyway, some other bloggers I read are working on becoming more beautiful versions of themselves this year, and that is inspiring me. So, I'll hopefully post more positive updates in weeks to come.

I am a bold-faced liar ...

2006-01-11T19:32:00.000-06:00

... several times a day. At least.

Ring. Ring.

"Hello."
___"Hello, may I speak with Mister R M?
"No, he's not here right now. May I take a message?"
___"Is this Missus M?"
"No, I'm the babysitter."
___"Well, this is just a courtesy call, we'll try back later."

Courtesy call my rear end.
I loathe telemarketers.

Year End Meme - 2005 in review

2006-01-06T15:38:00.000-06:00

(Blatently stolen from other blogs I read; I actually first saw it LAST year on Mir's Blog. )

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before? Snorkeling. I was terrified at first, as I’m not much of a swimmer. But once I relaxed, it was AWESOME.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope. Resolved to lose weight and it didn’t happen. Will resolve this year to GET HEALTHY. (If the resolution is vaguer, it’s easier to come up with some way in which you succeeded.) I also resolve to make more “ME” time, and “ME” time in front of the TV doesn’t count.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Several of my friends (close to my heart, though not close to my home) gave birth this past year. Planet Earth, please welcome Sydney, Hayden, Isolde, Brooke, Lily, and Madeleine.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank goodness. Had a few close calls, though.

5. What countries did you visit? Canada, but that’s a regular biannual occurrence.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? More energy.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? No particular dates stand out. I’m not good with dates.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Surviving two road trips to Canada with my toddler.

9. What was your biggest failure? Still fat.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Started out 2005 with a killer flu/bronchitis combo.

11. What was the best thing you bought? An old Wiggles VHS tape at a garage sale for 50¢. My daughter L-O-V-E-S that tape.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My daughter, she’s a celebration waiting to happen, each day.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? The Iranian president who denied the holocaust.

14. Where did most of your money go? Diapers, groceries, and photo printing supplies.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our trip to Hawaii, an awards trip for my hubby’s awesome job performance in 2004.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Bowling for Soup’s "1985", the theme song for my husbands cancelled 20 year high school reunion.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Same, still fat.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Spent more time with family and friends.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Getting up in the middle of the night, but that’s apparently unavoidable with a baby/toddler in residence.

20. How did you spend New Year's Eve? We originally intended to booze it up at a friend’s “grown-up’s only” party. But our sitter got the flu and we ended up watching TV in bed.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005? Nearly everyday, I fall in love again with my daughter and my husband.

22. How many one-night stands? None.

23. What was your favorite TV program? And the tiara goes to: Lost. 1st runner up: E.R. 2nd runner up: Desperate Housewives.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hate? Maybe my best friend’s soon-to-be ex-husband. But hate is pretty strong. I can safely assert that I really, really, really dislike him.

25. What was the best book you read? This year I read a lot of books that were crummy. But, the best was probably an unabridged non-fiction audio book that my husband and I both enjoyed called Shadow Divers. Close second, Lost in a Good Book (sequel to The Eyre Affair). The book I really WANTED to read, but didn’t have time… A Breath of Snow and Ashes.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Sadly, the best I can come up with here is that I discovered two of my favorite “non-mainstream” groups, Brave Combo & They Might Be Giants, had released children’s music.

27. What did you want and get? A new laptop.

28. What did you want and not get? To see The Wedding Crashers, Madagascar, and The 40 Year-Old Virgin, the Wallace & Grommit movie, Pride and Prejudice, and the Chronicles of Narnia movie.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? March of the Penguins.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I had friends over for drinks and cake and celebrated becoming 33.

31. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying? Being in better shape.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Trainwreck. Seriously. This year my criteria for wearing something out in public was a) that it fit and b) it was non-maternity. These are pretty low standards and thus I wore some pretty shameful, shlubby outfits.

33. What kept you sane? Watching my daughter grow.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don’t know that I “fancied” anyone in particular. I can tell you who I admired, Jennifer Aniston, for being so classy about her divorce.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The idiots trying to force science teachers to teach Intelligent Design. It makes me ashamed to live in Kansas. Intelligent Design isn’t science, it’s religious theory.

36. Who did you miss? I missed not getting to see my friend Jen in Texas AT ALL this past year. We usually manage to hook up at least once a year, if only for a quick visit. Must remedy this in 2006.

37. Who was the best new person you met? I must be very boring. The only person I can think of that I met new this year was my new dermatologist, who is awesome, by the way. She totally cleared up all my various and sundry dry skin ailments.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005. You can spend all day mothering, and at the end of the day you feel like you’ve accomplished nothing. What horrible irony that the most important life role that any woman can undertake is somehow measured against prior occupations we held, pre-motherhood. In truth, it’s like comparing grapes and elephants.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your past year.
Who needs sleep? / (well you’re never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep? / (tell me what’s that for)
Who needs sleep? /(be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake / Since the second world war)
~Barenaked Ladies

40. Quote a song lyric that symbolizes your hopes for the new year.
Lighten up while you still can
Don’t even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
And take it easy
~The Eagles

Moira and the snowman

2006-01-02T12:38:00.000-06:00

Moira and the snowman,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

For those of you on our Christmas card list that bemoaned the lack of a photo this year... here you go! The snowman finally consented to a sequel.

...and Lived to Tell the Tale

2005-12-30T12:25:00.000-06:00

Our trip to Canada was actually pretty nice. Once again, the good weather fairy graced us with unseasonably warm temperatures (i.e. above freezing). The only bad weather was fog that hubby had to drive through a couple of times.

We didn't travel much and saw just enough family to stay busy. Except for my migraine on the trip up and my stomach flu on the night before our trip back, everything went pretty smoothly (pained grin).

We still have to celebrate Christmas with all my family here in our hometown. That's planned for Jan 8... so I still have to finish shopping and wrapping, round two.

Lightbulb

2005-12-21T11:42:00.000-06:00

I realized today in a sudden flash of self-awareness that my complete and utter abandonment of the diet these past few weeks is directly related to our imminent Christmas trip to Canada. I'm subconciously layering on the fat so I'll be able to keep warm!

Next year, we need to celebrate Christmas in the tropics...

The Christmas ANTI-Letter

2005-12-20T16:31:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again, when Christmas Cards, Festive Photos, and Brag Letters fill your mailbox. I'm guilty of contributing to this vile tradition. Last year I sent out about 100 cards, each with a 4X6 photo of our new baby girl propped up next to a stuffed snowman. Blame it on new parent euphoria. You know, that state of sappiness brought on by sleep-deprivation and gurgly baby smiles; it convinces you that your child is just the most adorable thing this planet has ever seen, and everyone should behold their cuteness.

This year, I almost didn’t send out Christmas cards at all. I kept trying to get a good “holiday-appropriate” photo of my daughter. However, at 15 months, there is no propping. There is no sitting still. There is no HOPE of a decent photo. Not to mention the fact that, in her exuberance for her new found walking skills, she tends to sport bumps and bruises on her sweet little face obtained from steps that fell too short, too long, or too fast for her still-learning little legs. Since I didn’t feel like mass-mailing pictures that would make our friends and families ponder calling the child protection services on us, I finally (the weekend before Christmas) decided to send out cards, sans photos.

I very briefly toyed with the idea of writing one of those Christmas Letters, for about 10 seconds, then I ate some chocolate and the feeling passed. I’ve since decided that I should write the ANTI-Letter this year.

It’s been quite the year. Our daughter has grown and is a constant challenge. Now that she’s walking, she’s into freaking everything. If I watch her eat one more crumb off the kitchen floor, I think I’m going to hurl. It wouldn’t be so bad if I kept the kitchen cleaner, I suppose. But in between the TLC and HGTV addictions, who has time? She’s talking more and more every day. She’s starting to repeat what we say, which means we’ve got to clean up our language around the old homestead, d@mn it all to h3ll. Our other “child” (the four-legged furry one) has got doggy arthritis and has to take expensive doggy pain killers everyday to keep some pep in his step.

It’s been the year from Hades for our house. All the stucco on the front had to be replaced because of cracks and imminent water damage from lack of a waterproofing layer underneath the stucco. The basement flooded after our sump pump got jammed. Yes, the FINISHED basement. And we learned that, even though we took out the sump pump rider, only structural damages were covered. So, all our personal property that was water-logged was a complete loss. We got new carpet out of the deal, but our color choice doesn’t really match the existing wall color, so now we’re going to have to repaint the whole basement. Ugh. We just got a two-hundred dollar gas bill for the past month even though our house is always cold and drafty. Double-ugh.

My husband has been a social butterfly (or perhaps maybe just a moth) as a member of the local Curling Club and the new local Canadian-Expats club. I’m not sure what that’s all a-boot, but I think he misses his native land, eh? Other than that, he’s working his hind-end off and is not properly appreciated for all his efforts. Typical.

I’ve been the opposite. I went back to work part-time after becoming a mom and spend all my time at the office wishing I were home with my daughter. And then I spend all my time at home wishing that I could escape and be a real adult again and have conversations that didn’t involve Sesame Street, toddler diet plans, diaper details, and nap schedules. Unless, of course, we want to talk about ME getting a nap. That would be heaven. Let’s talk about that. Ha. Oh, and I’m still fat. Let’s not talk about that.

For Christmas decorating this year, I tried to find a happy medium somewhere between white-trash-inflatable-snowmen-and-Santa-lawn-decorations and kill-yourself-with-creativity-while-bankrupting-yourself-to-the-local-craft-store-Martha-Stewart-esque-creations. While I succeeded in avoiding either extreme, my décor still turned out pretty crappy.

It’s been quite the year for our loved ones, too. My best friend got divorced and her brother was nearly murdered. My grandfather had his right leg amputated just below the knee. My mother-in-law’s husband had his combine catch fire and burn up the day before harvesting. There’s other family drama crap that isn’t public knowledge, so I can’t write about it without royally pissing off those I love.

So, at this time of year, try to celebrate the holidays in your own special way without pissing off your friends and family with a sappy letter. Instead of stressing about shopping and giftlists, think about all the American soldiers killed in Iraq and how their families are celebrating without them this year, and every year, from now on. Try not to get your panties in a wad when someone wishes you “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, because maybe that someone is Jewish or Muslim or Buddhist or Atheist. This is America, the land of the free. Free to NOT be a Christian, if you so choose. And if you ARE Christian, try not to act in a preaching, intolerant, unchristian manner. Hug your family and appreciate them for putting up with all your crap. That’s what families do, love you in spite of it all.

And, give it up for your friends, you can tell who they are because they’re the ones ridiculing you to your face, instead of behind your back. Forgive yourself for being occasionally petty and mean, because we’ve all been there and PMS is real. Be polite to retail workers this time of year, because even though last minute shopping SUCKS, waiting on last-minute shoppers SUCKS MORE. Drink eggnog with abandon and sneak another cookie, because you can worry about it next week when it’s time for New Year’s resolutions. Next year, I resolve … to be less sarcastic. (Yeah, right. Like that’ll happen.)

Which is more dangerous...

2005-11-22T13:34:00.000-06:00

...taking the Midol that I found in my desk drawer at work which expired 18 months ago...

...or NOT taking the Midol that I found in my desk drawer at work.

hmmmmmm

Little Calf plays with Barn on fridge door

2005-11-01T10:15:00.000-06:00

Little Calf plays with Barn on fridge door,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

We attended a Halloween party on Saturday night. Miss M went dressed as an adorable little cow!

Shout Out...

2005-10-08T20:03:00.000-05:00

I definitely need to say WOW and CONGRATS times 2 to my good friend MMG(née B) and her hubby E who just this week DOUBLED their family with the addition of two small but beautiful and healthy twin baby girls. Way to go! Let's hope their stay in the NICU is short and untroubled. And, their names are gorgeous, classy, and not trendy or overpopular. They are just lovely. Big hugs to the whole G family!

The Proverbial Straw

2005-10-06T23:19:00.000-05:00

For ~~several~~ ~~many~~ countless weeks, workmen of all shapes and sizes have been parading in, out, and around my house. We have the whole basement flooding episode, which is still incomplete as the carpet is yet to be replaced. Then we have the exterior stucco replacement. At first they were only going to replace the stucco around and over the garage. But there’s stucco all over the front façade of our house. A little complaining, a little testing with their moisture meter, and now ALL the stucco will be replaced.

So, this is what we wanted. To have all the stucco replaced. Why? Because, we learned through the neighborhood grapevine, ALL the houses in our development were constructed WITHOUT waterproofing underneath the stucco. So even if your stucco wasn’t showing problems now… just wait. But don’t wait too long, as the builder’s warranty is only 10 years. So, we’re getting what we wanted.

And hence, I’ve not complained. Even when they show up (or don’t show up) completely at the whim of some unpredictable schedule that is so random that it MUST be intentional. Even when they start pounding to knock off the old stucco mere minutes after I’ve finally gotten MissM to agree to a naptime. Even when they ring the doorbell and wake up MissM just to tell me that they’re leaving now. Even when they repeatedly blow the circuit breaker on the one outside electrical outlet on the front of the house and tromp through my foyer and basement each time, in their dirty work boots, to reset the breaker (if I weren’t getting new carpet in the basement anyway, this one would REALLY bug me). Even when they block large portions of our driveway with construction supplies. Even when they pound on the house so hard that pictures fall off the wall and stacked items fall off shelves. Even when they leave their ladders piled in the backyard and forget to close the gate, and the dog COULD have gotten lose and been hit by a car (but I knew they’d been in the backyard, so I checked the gates before letting out the dog).

But this afternoon came the final straw. THE straw that broke this camel’s back. THEY LAUGHED AT ME, those @$$H0LE$. It was just after noon, and they were all sitting in their trucks eating lunch or waiting, or whatever other non-working things they tend to do. There were at least 3 different large trucks parked beside, in front of, and across the street from our house, all with occupants sitting in them.

There were several piles of construction materials on the right side of the driveway, of course, since I park in the right side of the garage. I backed out, careful not to hit my side mirror, then tried to angle the SUV to the left to avoid a pile of lumber and a mound of sand. I ran up onto the lumber. Stopped, pulled forward a little, got out to survey the obstacles from a different view. Tried again and managed to get out of the driveway into the street without running over any other supplies.

However, now that I’m in the street, with the car still facing the house, mind you, I need to, you know, turn the car so I can actually proceed down the street and away from home. But I can’t because of all the d@mn pickups parked. I had to do the forward-6-inches, turn-a-bit, backup-6-inches, turn-a-bit, repeat about a jillion times, until my vehicle was actually parallel with the gutters. And while I’m doing this painful three-hundred-point-turn, I happen to look in the windshield of the pickup practically right in front of me, one of the trucks I’m trying NOT to hit, and they’re LAUGHING at me. I sped away cursing them with every foul epithet I could conjure and every expletive I’ve been trying so hard to refrain from saying in front of MissM. I wished fervently that they would leave their trucks parked outside my house overnight so I could key the doors and slash the tires. (Not that I would really do that, but it was a nice vindictive fantasy to ease my rage.)

So, be ye warned. You can disrupt my life, you can pound on my house, you can wake my daughter, you can track dirt into my foyer, you can be a general pain in the @r$e for weeks on end. But don't you dare laugh at me.

To Do List

2005-10-04T21:31:00.000-05:00

To Do List...

Find a trustworthy house sitter for, say, one year. And just, go.
Take an African safari and shoot wild animals (with a state of the art camera).
Climb the Pyramids at Giza and ask a riddle of the sphinx.
Kiss the Blarney Stone.
Enjoy Carnivale in Rio de Janeiro.
Sleep on a beach in Belize.
Drink beer in a German pub.
Spend weeks in the Louvre.
Kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower.
See a bullfight in Madrid.
Walk along the Great Wall of China.
Do a walkabout in the Australian outback.
Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef and swim with dolphins.
Do karaoke in Tokyo.
Fly over live volcanoes and pristine waterfalls in Hawaii.
See the Grand Canyon, the Golden Gate Bridge, and the Hollywood sign.
Learn to draw and paint from a renowned artist.
Learn to cook from a famous chef.
Learn to ride a horse really well.
Learn to take really good photos from a photographer who shoots for National Geographic.
Gift significant sums to parents, siblings, and other close family and friends.
Design and build dream home, not extravagant, but using the best materials and construction.
Volunteer for various charitable organizations.
Take a writing sabbatical, get in touch with my inner poetess.
Extended stay at a health spa to get eating and weight under control.
Win the lottery.
Buy a Powerball ticket.
(Oh, and obviously, not necessarily in that order.)

Nyctophobia

2005-09-30T21:39:00.000-05:00

I am 33 years old, and I am afraid of the dark. I have been, for as long as I can remember. It's the one truly childish personality trait that I can't seem to shake. I've always had a night light. I can't stand for there to be a partially open closet door leading into darkness. I don't like haunted houses.

But, the parameters of my phobia have shifted slightly. Now that I'm married, so long as I'm not ALONE in the dark, I seem to be OK. And now that I'm a mom, I seem to temporarily forget all fears of the dark when I stumble down the unlit hallway in the middle of the night in answer to my daughter's cries. What is it about being with my husband or daughter that chases away the fear?

On the rare occassions that I'm home alone, I either leave on a hall light, or the bathroom light. Sometimes I put the TV on sleep mode and let the dancing colored lights of the television lull me to sleep. I've learned not to watch scary or gory movies any time after noon. For the most part, I just forego them altogether. And I used to LOVE scary movies. Over the past few years, I've gotten to the point where scary movies give me night terrors, so it's just not worth it.

Being afraid of the dark is the one trait from childhood that I wish I could ditch. There are other traits I wish I could reacquire, like believing in myself and being convinced that I could do anything if I tried hard enough.

Do you have any lingering childhood habits? Good or bad ones?

When do I get to have ME time?

2005-09-28T17:04:00.000-05:00

Seems like every weekend comes and goes and despite the whirlwind of activity that whips through the days, I never get time for me. To the casual observer, they may not see this, but most of you moms out there, you know what I mean.

As a case in point, let's examine this past weekend. Friday afternoon after work, I went to the local cable office to pick up a replacement modem for our lightning-surge-kaput modem which had been non-functional since Monday. On the way home, we were delayed in traffic while one of the local high schools marched down the street in their homecoming parade. Then the remainder of the afternoon was spent on the phone with the cable company customer service trying to get the internet back up and running on my husband's PC. (My PC was COMPLETELY fried by the lighting-surge earlier in the week, a most tragic event.) So Friday afternoon was spent with my "technical fix-it girl" hat on.

Friday evening I joined some work friends for a late birthday dinner with MissM in tow and no husband (he had an important CFL game to watch at home). Now, this event was fun and I was happy to celebrate with my friends, but I spent the evening wearing my "I'm a good friend" hat.

Saturday morning we picked out replacement carpet for our finally-dried-out basement. Then I picked out a replacement laptop for my fried-by-lightning home PC. Most of Saturday afternoon I spent trying to get the laptop configured and up and running on our home network. After driving MissM over to her grandma's for the night, hubby & I attended an NHL exhibition game. Thus, Saturday was spent alternating the "good wife" and the "fix-it girl" hats.

Sunday I drove back out to pick up MissM. I spent about a half hour trying to find a couple pairs of pants that fit so that I didn't have to go to work naked this week. (It SUCKS when you have to go up a size.) Then we visited my grandpa (& grandma) at the nursing home where he's been undergoing rehab. We are still hoping it's a temporary visit. So, Sunday was the "good daughter/granddaughter" hat-wearing day.

I can't even really recall what went on Sunday evening. My brain is turning to mush! I've been working extra hours this week to help us meet a Friday deadline. The 15 minutes I've spent writing this rant is the only "me" time I've had in awhile. You can't count the few hours of sleep I get each night, that's requisite to keep me functioning at even the most basic non-drooling level of humanity.

No, I need pedicure, read a good book, relaxation ME time. Ah well, next month perhaps?

One is Wonderful

2005-09-15T23:32:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday MissM!

It's so hard to believe it's been a WHOLE YEAR since this wonderful little ball of sunshine rolled into our lives. She has grown and changed so much in 12 short months.

Things I love about her right now:

How she's nearly always grinning with her six little teeth
How she gets the hiccups when she laughs too much
How she waves bye-bye whether you're coming or going
How she pulls her ears when she's tired
How she uses her pacifier as a teether
How she points at everything
How she is on the VERGE of walking
How she is on the VERGE of talking with actual understandable words
How she will pull up to stand behind you when you're sitting on the floor and pat your back
How she loves to lay on and hug her stuffed animals
How she's learned to drink from a straw already
How she LOVES books
How she LOVES anything that plays music

Things I miss already:

Nursing her to sleep (although, with the arrival of teeth, I was glad to be done breastfeeding)
Pre-crawling days, when you could sit her down in one place, look away, and turn back to find her in the same spot
Pre-formula and pre-solids diaper changes
Being able to put her in a dress without impeding her crawling
Using the baby swing to coax her to sleep
Her toothless gummy grin

Confessions:

We still rock her to sleep most every night, but she does sleep in her own crib
We're still feeding her jarred baby food, although we have started her on a few table foods
We let her watch TV, just PBS Kids shows like Sesame Street and Baby Einstein DVDs
We don't give her a bath every day, but most days
We don't wash the pacifier every time it drops on the floor

How can words describe the intense love of a mother for her child? Words don't seem adequate to describe that feeling, when you're holding a drowsy one-year old in your arms and she looks up at you and points to your smile before drifting off. Words can't evoke that magical scent of a clean baby head after a bath. The first smile, the first giggle, the first time they reach up for you to be picked up. All these major milestones sped by this past year.

MissM, one year ago today when you were born, I didn't think it was possible to love anyone more than I loved you at that moment. But I was wrong, because I love you EVEN MORE now. Happy Birthday, sweet pea. Mama loves you!

There's No Place Like Home...

2005-09-12T22:52:00.000-05:00

...or KS to SK and back again.

This year our family spent the first nine days of September in my hubby's hometown. It was quite a trip. By car, it is 18 hours travel time (each way). Our nearly-one-year-old did AMAZINGLY well. We mostly visited with friends and family. Hubby & I attended a CFL game (specifically, the Labour Day classic - Go Riders!). My sister-in-law made me some very cool jewelry. We had an early celebration of my daughter's first birthday. I spent some quality time with my mother-in-law and we both got pedicures.

Mostly the trip was for my hubby though, to shake the dust off his roots and feel grounded again. And to show off our fabulous little girl. She was definitely the star of the show, for basically the duration of the trip!

Pictures from our Trip to SK

Now we're back. Our current residence happens to be in the metro area of my hometown. In a way, home means very different things to my husband and I. But in another very important way, I hope he'll agree that home is where the heart is, where our family is, where our daughter is.

The Ballpark needs Volume Control

2005-08-28T01:19:00.000-05:00

Today the whole fam-damily attended the annual picnic for my hubby's work location, followed by a baseball game. The picnic was catered barbecue out at a city park in the suburbs, very nice (so long as you're cool with the 'que). Then everyone scuttled off to the ballpark to watch an evening of minor league baseball at the local ballpark. We've been out to see this team before, and the atmosphere at the ballpark is fun and very family oriented. But I'd forgotten just how LOUD it is!

The P.A. system is LOUD, the music, the fireworks, the crowd, the noisy balloons during the 7th inning stretch, all loud. It was all a little TOO loud for MissM. I'm not sure if it was just the loud noises, or if it was a combination of the loud stuff and her complete and utter lack of an afternoon nap that really was the problem. We made it through the end of the 6th inning, then headed home.

I'm sure this will be the first of MANY events that we'll leave early, now that we're parents!

Roll up your pants...

2005-08-25T19:27:00.000-05:00

Last night some wicked thunderstorms rolled through town, with flash flood warnings galore. We didn't realize that the flash flood area was going to be our basement!

They estimate we have over 200 gallons of water soaked into the carpet of our finished basement. A couple dozen books, 75% of my wrapping supplies (gift bags, ribbon, etc.), and some Christmas decorations are ruined.

Fortunately, most things were up off the floor or in plastic totes. Unfortunately, the rider we took out on our home owners to cover sump pump failure only covers replacement of the carpet, drywall, and major appliances. So, we are completely hosed regarding any water damage to the furniture in our basement and other personal effects that are damaged/ruined. : (

The only thing that I'm really upset about is the framed certificate from when I joined my sorority back in 1992. It was sitting on the floor up against the wall in the room that flooded the worst, and it's pretty much ruined. Everything else is replaceable, but that... that one hurts.

There's a company here now, pulling up the carpet, taking away the sodden padding underneath, and sucking as much water as possible out of the basement. Then, they will set up fans and dehumidifiers to dry everything out.

Ah, the joys of home ownership...

It's Coming...

2005-08-24T23:14:00.000-05:00

It's kind of like hearing thunder in the distance, low and rumbly. You know a storm is coming. You're not sure when it will descend upon your house, or how much damage it will inflict. But, it's a coming... and you know it.

We are waiting for MissM to start walking. It's imminent. Any day now, she is going to take a few steps, then toddle about unsteadily for a few days, then she'll get the hang of it, 'cause DANG she catches on quick, and then it's ALL OVER. Don't get me wrong, she's quite quick now. She mastered crawling in a very short amount of time. Granted, she waited until she was almost 8 months old to try it, but once she started, it was go-time!

But right now, I feel like we're still in the calm before the storm. I feel like I should be roaming the house looking for ways to baby-proof more things. But I've learned that careful and close observation of MissM will alert you quite readily to anything you've neglected to baby-proof. She can find an open outlet, an errant object on the floor that is not baby-friendly, or a crumb that the vaccuum missed in seconds flat. It's amazing. So, I just watch her, and grab things as she discovers them, or redirect her long enough to cover the outlet or hide the offending object.

She does understand the word "no". We use it frequently when she tries to crawl up on the fireplace hearth. She'll pull up to stand at the edge, then she'll turn around to see if she has an audience (which she always does). She'll play for awhile, then she'll start to sneak one knee up to climb up on the hearth. And we'll say, "noooo MissM, no climbing on the fireplace, you could hurt yourself." She pulls the knee back down. About 30 seconds later, she tries the other knee. Repeat admonition. She pulls the other knee back down. Half the time she just gives up and goes to play elsewhere, but the other half of the time, she goes ahead and crawls up on the hearth, at which point, one of us goes over and picks her up and puts her back on the floor facing the other direction. It's quite the little drama, and you think it would get old. But apparently babies LOVE repetition. So I've been told. Ha.

Honestly, I will miss it when she stops crawling. My little baby is almost a year, and she's getting so big! OK, I'm going to go watch her sleep for awhile before going to bed. Shut up. You other mothers have done it, too. I know you have.

Ten Things I Hate

2005-08-23T20:44:00.000-05:00

There are certain things in life that I could really do without. I'm talking about things I absolutely hate to do. If I could pay someone to do these things for me, I would (unfortunately, for some things, it just doesn't work that way).

Here are the top ten things that I HATE TO DO:

10. Dusting - it makes my allergies act up and my sinuses get all goopy.
09. Getting a pap smear - it's just the most uncomfortable little procedure ever.
08. Doing yard work - I can't stand getting dirt under my nails, sweating, and getting sunburned; it's a triple-threat.
07. Recording my time for work - I have to account for all my work hours in 15 minute increments, even though my work isn't billable; and I have a very multi-tasking kinda job, so every 15 minutes could be a different activity. Tedious, very tedious.
06. Cleaning toilets - this used to be lower on the list, but now that I live with a boy, it's way grosser; it's one of those marriage bonus features no one warns you about.
05. Trying on swimsuits - even skinny girls hate this, but being overweight makes this even MORE tortuous.
04. Going to the dentist - I've already written about my feelings on this topic.
03. Going to the DMV - it's the fourth ring of hell here on earth.
02. Driving in heavy traffic - nothing makes me crabby faster than driving in rush hour.
01. Delivering bad news - I'm a people pleaser, and this task is the antithesis of that personality trait. My empathy quotient makes this the thing I hate most of all.

What things do you hate to do?

Moira's First Merry-Go-Round Ride

2005-08-23T09:11:00.000-05:00

Moira's First Merry-Go-Round Ride,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

She doesn't look so sure about this ride, does she? But I think she had fun.

What's really funny is that another blogging mom's daughter had her first ride this past weekend too!

Note to Self

2005-08-12T20:11:00.000-05:00

Remember to keep a toy on the changing table so that MissM won't try so desperately to wiggle away whilst having her diaper changed.

Addendum: An exciting toy.

Addendum 2: A toy big enough to NOT fall down between the back of the changing table and the wall. Because the changing table is actually a dresser.

Addendum 3: Give up and change MissM on the floor while holding her somewhat immobile between your outstretched legs.

Wait your turn! Don't take mine!!

2005-08-12T12:03:00.000-05:00

Last night, after enjoying a fine performance of Hello, Dolly! at the local outdoor amphitheatre, I was treated rudely and callously TWICE, by two different vehicles, while trying to peacefully exit the parking lot. As with any large event, when it's over, everyone is trying to leave at the same time. Common sense and etiquette dictate that you proceed in an orderly fashion, letting every other car go and everyone will eventually get out alive.

The line of traffic ended just in front of my parked car. I was basically perpendicular to the last car. I pulled out and angled just a bit, so that as the car in front of me advanced, I could pull in behind him. I sat there patiently for several minutes, waiting to pull in behind him. Then this minivan came blasting in out of nowhere and pulled in right behind the car, and would.not.let.me.in! I kept pulling up closer to the side of the car I was supposed to be following, but the witch in the minivan just kept riding its bumper and wouldn't let me merge. It was such a blatant denial of my rightful spot, it really infuriated me. I pulled in behind her, wishing all kinds of bad karma upon her. Then a couple minutes later, another minivan refused to honor the every-other-car merging of 2 lines that is the polite and civilized thing to do.

It was at this point in time that I formed the following hypotheses about people in minivans:
a) they are inherently evil or
b) they traded in their common courtesy for the minivan keys or
c) they aren't getting enough sex.

Playing unfair during post-event parking lot departure is now added to my list of revocable offenses. A few more episodes like last night, and merely owning a minivan may be added to the list!

Face down in the salsa...

2005-08-05T13:35:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to me!
I've turned thirty-three.
I'm partying this evening
With drinks, friends, and glee...

That is, provided that I don't fall asleep before the action begins. My nearly 11 month old girl, who was previously sleeping through the night on a semi-regular basis, has had horrible sleeptus-interruptus syndrome all week. Last night I slept from 11:40 to 1:40, then we were up until about 4:45, then normal bright-eyed and bushy-tailed wakening at 7:45.

This is killing me. I'm a person who NEEDS her sleep. I've got to get at least 6 solid hours to even maintain the illusion of being functional during the daytime. A regular 8 hours a night and I resemble a real walking, talking, able-to-contribute-to-society adult.

A pair of three hour naps just isn't cutting it. So, if you find me face down in the salsa tonight, please lift up my head and stick a tortilla chip in my mouth!

Earworms for mommies...

2005-08-04T17:52:00.000-05:00

The main theme song to Sesame Street, the Elmo's World tune, and the Journey to Ernie ditty are all STUCK in my head... STUCK... along with that oldie, but goody "everybody sleeps..."

God help me if I start humming out loud here at work. It's not as if I don't already successfully embarrass myself in other, normal, adult ways at the office on a regular basis anyway...

So just ignore that repetetive dull thudding noise coming from my cubicle... I'm hoping that banging my head on the desk will eventually dislodge the Sesame Street soundtrack...

Never Say Never

2005-08-01T23:06:00.000-05:00

I've frequently seen bloggers list things they want to do before they die, or goals they want to accomplish before they turn 40. I was having a conversation the other day and someone said, "Oh, I'd NEVER do that!" This made me think, are there things I can unequivocally say I'll never do... turns out, there are.

I, being of sound mind and unsound body, hereby avow that I will NEVER ...

Run for public office.
Own a cat (allergies).
Buy a car with a standard transmission.
Get a tattoo (too much of a wimp).
Shave my head.
Inject, snort, or swallow illegal drugs.
Pierce anything besides my ears.
Vote for Hillary Clinton.
Swim the English Channel.
Climb Mount Everest.
Forget giving birth to my daughter.
Understand religious extremists.
Condone intolerance.
Play professional sports of any kind.
Stop learning.
Intentionally disappoint my family.
Have a completely clean house.
Get rid of my old diaries.
Stop believing in the tremendous power of laughter.
Have a perfect complexion.
Be ashamed to tell the story of how my husband and I met online.
Turn down ice cream, german chocolate cake, or a really good strawberry Margarita.
Be able to repay my parents for everything they've done for me. (Although giving them a grandchild has gone a long way...)
Love anyone more than I love my husband and daughter and any future kidlets we may have.
Regret channeling my creative energy into writing

Is there anything that you'd NEVER do?

Revocable Offenses

2005-07-28T18:14:00.000-05:00

There are certain things that other drivers do that annoy and offend me more than they should. I mean, really, why do I care about their atrocious, rude, sometimes downright dangerous behavior? I just do. We all share the roads, we should all play nice. And when you don't play nice... well, I think we should just REVOKE your license to drive.

People don't get it. Driving is not a right. It's a privilege. You earn it by passing a test. You maintain it by driving safely and sanely. I also personally believe you should drive courteously. Alas and alack, common courtesy has apparently gone the way of common sense. They've both retired to a small uncharted tropical island somewhere and are sipping fruity beverages on the beach while bemoaning the state of the world without them.

Anyway, back to driving. Here are some examples of discourteous driving:

seeing that lanes are converging and a line of traffic is backing up to accommodate the merge but you BLAZE right on by all the folks waiting their turn and butt in at the front just before the actual merge
speeding up when someone tries to pass you, then slowing down when they give up, only to repeat the cycle 5 minutes later
driving in someone's blind spot
not using the available turning lane and, instead, blocking traffic while waiting to turn
not using your turn signals (this is only a non-issue if it's 3 a.m. and no one else is on the road)
being over the age of 17 but still driving around in a car where the back dash is decorated with stuffed animals or beanie babies
decorating your car with decals of anyone urinating on anything (and I used to think the silver sexy-girl-silhouette mudflaps were tacky...)
driving a wanna-be luxury car like a Hyundai Sonata, I mean really, you're not fooling anyone, we all know you paid for your car with box tops and the spare change from your sofa cushions, and we are not going to mistake it for a BMW or Mercedes

OK, so maybe the last three shouldn't cause your license to be revoked, but you should at least have to pay a fine.

We were at a party last year where one of the white elephant gifts was a book of fill-in-the-blank "tickets" that you could write up and leave on people's cars. There were some pre-printed offenses, like "learn to park between the lines" and "what part of 'No Parking Zone' do you not understand". I wish we had won those babies, I'd issue tickets left and right. Of course, only if I could do it anonymously. I can gripe a good game, but in real life, I'm totally non-confrontational. Would you like to cut me off in traffic? Please do, and have a nice day.

I used to curse at folks that drove like maniacs. Now I say a prayer, "please God, don't let them hurt anyone". I figure karma will catch up with them eventually, maybe one of those times that they actually slow down a little to take a corner...

Confessional

2005-07-26T22:52:00.000-05:00

I've been MIA for awhile. I'm kind of ashamed to admit why. I was happy blogging, writing about my life, flexing my creative muscle a little. I was even alternating writing prompts/challenges with a very good friend of mine and it was fun. Then came the challenge that shook me.

It seemed innocuous enough. I was even looking forward to it. "Describe your perfect day..." Sounds fun, easy, right? So why did this derail my blogging train? I had no trouble thinking of fabulous days: a day at the beach, a day at the spa, a day of luxury, a day somewhere in Europe, a day of decadence and leisure.

I was trying to decide on which scenario I would choose and I cheated. Normally, when my friend and I challenge each other, we both complete the writing prompt and don't read each other's until we're finished. Well, I read her response before starting my own. And the realization dawned on me that in all my perfect days... I was alone. No family, no friends, not my husband, not my daughter... what's WRONG with me?!?

I decided I must be a horribly selfish girl, a terrible wife, and a bad mother. All my perfect day scenarios were self-centered, me-me-me. I felt awful. I felt frozen. How could I write about a perfect day without my partner who is my best friend, without my daughter who is the joy of my every breath. And the more I tried to imagine a "perfect" day WITH my family, the worse it became. I couldn't do it. I could write some forced fluff piece, but that seemed so PHONY and not me.

So the truth is, I can imagine a "perfect" day. But it's not a real day. It's not a day full of a crawling baby trying to eat every stray crumb off the floor that managed to escape the vacuum. It's not a day when my husband tracks grass into the house and all over the kitchen floor after mowing. It's not a day when I feel torn about working outside the home, even part-time. It's not a day when I worry about my extended family and their health and well-being.

And to me, those real days, they may not be perfect, but they are all I really have and I'm glad for every single one of them. Sometimes, it may take me a while to come around to actually being glad. But in the end, I wouldn't trade a single one of them, not for all the spa treatments in Europe.

So, I'm shrugging off this self-imposed and impossible mantle of guilt. I realize that I'm human and every overworked, overtired, overly-self-critical mom wishes for alone time and that's all it was. By punishing myself and not blogging, I was becoming even more stressed. So, my hiatus is over. As Jack would say, "I'm baaaack!"

Easter 1

2005-05-01T11:11:00.000-05:00

Easter 1,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

This was taken on Easter. She already loves to read and can turn the pages of a board book all by herself!

Of all the attributes she may have inherited from me, a passion for reading is the one I would be MOST proud to have given her. And for that reason, this picture makes me smile, inside and out.

The Style Invitational

2005-05-01T10:43:00.000-05:00

The Style Invitational

Remember a couple of weeks ago, on a lark I entered the weekly Style Invitational contest for the Washington Post. Well, I got an honorable mention! From thousands of entries, I actually merited a nod for one of my witty horse breeding names. Noble Causeway X In Excelsis ... check the post title link for the progeny I named, and my name, looking all plucky and honorably mentioned!

I need a copy of this Sunday's Washington Post in actual newsprint! I've called around to the bookstores in town and one will get the Sunday edition later this week.

OK, my ego is all fluffy and inflated. I need to go change a dirty diaper, get spit up on, or step on the scale to return to reality.

It's funny how something so minor can so majorly buoy a person's spirits.

LiM: Sweat Equity

2005-04-30T18:21:00.000-05:00

After a week of phone tag (which does not burn calories), I finally connected with the personal trainer. And I agreed to have an initial session with her today, Saturday morning at 8:30 am.

In my old life, voluntarily being somewhere other than my bed at 8:30 am on a Saturday morning was absurb. It didn't happen. As a mom, I'm up by approximately 7:00 am every morning, whether I'm ready or not.

So, this morning, I'm there and ready at 8:30 am. I got measured and weighed and then the workout. It wasn't all that strenuous, for someone who isn't way overweight and out of shape. But for me, ugh! We alternated cardio with weight training. The cardio is what kills me. A couple of times I got really out of breath, like knot-in-the-chest, I-think-someone-is-sitting-on-my-breastbone out of breath. I hope I haven't developed asthma. I hope it's just because I'm so out of shape.

Anyway, I survived the hour and signed up for eight sessions. My short term goal is to lose a dress size or two in the next six weeks so I don't have to buy new clothes for our trip to Hawaii. Also, I want to be able to do the volcano hike and snorkeling activities without killing myself.

Now, I'm home and all my muscles feel like jello. It's a good hurt though. I've napped when the wee one napped and taken some ibuprofen. I think I'll live to sweat another day...

Less is More

2005-04-27T22:59:00.000-05:00

From now on, I'm going to title any blog posts regarding my battle of the bulge with LiM for Less is More. My hope is that with less physical weight to hide behind, I can become more, more authentic about who I really am inside and out.

OK. So, last week I joined ediets.com. For the low, low price of $2.99 a week, they give me a meal plan, shopping list, and motivational stuff to read. Really, I chose to sign up because the meal plan is flexible and let's me choose frozen meals for lunches and cooked dinners. Also, I need to log in weekly and update my weight which holds me somewhat accountable.

So far, so good. My weigh in day is Tuesday and after one week, I've lost 2.5 pounds. I didn't follow the meal plan to the letter, but I watched my portions, avoided 85% of the crappy junk food that I normally eat and went for two walks with my family.

I've been playing phone tag with a personal trainer who used to be roommates with a super cool gal I know from church. Anyway, I'm thinking a little push and motivation may be what I need to get over the hump and start exercising regularly again. We'll see.

Cheese

2005-04-19T22:25:00.000-05:00

Cheese,
originally uploaded by Tacey.

OK, so everyone cool seems to be using www.flickr.com for photo sharing. Call me a lemming, but here goes...

This is my girl, isn't she cute!

Note to Self

2005-04-19T11:22:00.000-05:00

When trying on clothes in the morning to see if they fit, remember to test clothing both standing AND sitting. Sometimes clothes fit more or less when standing, but fit less than more when sitting. Sigh. And I was all excited that I could actually wear this particular button up shirt and it buttoned up across my still-nursing chest and cleavage without the oh-so-attractive gap between the buttons.

Now I'm at work, and the shirt is gaping open between the buttons across my yeah-I-just-had-a-baby-and-my-waistline-will-never-be-the-same middle. (OK, so my baby is already 7 months old, just.shut.up.)

I've got to do something about my weight. Something besides moaning about it between binges of Krispy Kremes and Lays Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips (OMG, these are so totally no-one-can-eat-just-one yummy, in fact, they are watch-me-eat-durn-near-the-whole-bag-in-one-sitting yummy).

I think I have to quit sugar. Cold turkey. Right after I finish my Dr. Pepper. And give away this brownie on my desk. Ugh.

A Product of Good Breeding

2005-04-12T19:39:00.000-05:00

I recently stumbled across the following:
Washington Post Style Invitational Contest Week 604
and thought it would be great fun to try my hand at the word play challenge.

The basic gist of the contest was to choose any two names from the list of potential Kentucky Derby contenders and come up with a clever name for their offspring.

I emailed in the following:

Call the Marines X Commodity Trader = Semper Finance

Exit Left X Straight Line = SobrietyCheckpoint

Noble Causeway X In Excelsis = Highway to Heaven

Tetrahedron X High Fly = Quadratic Elation

Biloxi Palace X Going Wild = Mississippi Mayhem

What's Up Dude X Cadillac Cruiser = DudeWhere'sMyCar

Storm Surge X Roman Ruler = Hail Caesar

Sort It Out X War Plan = Divide and Conquer

The contest ended yesterday and the winners will be published in a couple of weeks (on the Sunday before the Kentucky Derby, I believe). While it would be cool to even get an honorable mention, really I just did it as an exercise of my own partially atrophied creative muscle. If I work really hard, maybe, just maybe, I can revive it and become a creative powerhouse!

Grin and Bear It

2005-04-12T13:16:00.000-05:00

I really hate the dentist. Not as a person, I'm sure my dentist is a really nice woman. She's got family and friends that all find her delightful, no doubt. And she's undoubtedly a good dentist. I can't say I really have any complaints about her work.

Yet, I stand by my original assertion. I hate the dentist. The poking, prodding, picking, the clucking of her tongue, the admonition to floss regularly, the announcement that I would need at least one filling, it all sucks. It sucks more than the little plastic hose thing-a-ma-bob that they use to suck the spit out of your mouth as they work.

Sigh, and paying the dentist. I hate that too. Scheduling the appointment to come back and get the filling, hate it. Learning that they also think my crown should be replaced, ditto, hate that as well.

Going to the dentist this afternoon has really filled me with negativity. I need something to lift my spirits. Perhaps I should gorge on the giant tub-o-m&m's that lives just outside my cubicle. Not just plain m&m's, but peanut, peanut butter, and almond m&m's as well. Yep, some nice soothing chocolate candy, that will improve my mood!

mmmm, grmmfmbm. I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear over the sound of my own chewing? Ironic? Just because I'm combatting depression caused by cavities with pleasing little chocolates that will further rot my teeth... I don't see it. Just shut up! You're interrupting the zen of my chocolate buzz!

Creepy Commercials

2005-04-10T23:07:00.000-05:00

There are a couple of commercial campaigns getting airplay right now that just freak-me-right-out-of-my shoes. First and foremost, the Burger King "Wake up with the King" commercials which have that guy in the scary, plastic, over-sized, bobble-headed king costume giving greasy breakfast food to people in their own homes is just terrifying. I mean, it's like a giant royal Pez dispenser grew legs and is lurking outside the window of an unexpecting suburbanite who just happens to be contemplating breakfast options. Freaky, I tell you.

The other commercials that give me the heebie-jeebies are the Quizno's talking baby commercials. Something about the pixelated, moving mouth (as though the baby were really talking with the voice of a 30 something man) just makes my skin crawl.

I guess it's time for me to turn off the TV when I can be this critical of commercials. It's not as if I really have that much time to watch TV nowadays. But I'm a committed viewer for a handful of shows: ER, Lost, and Desperate Housewives. My hubby is a West Wing fan, so I tune in to that one frequently as well. But other than that, I've really let go of most shows I used to depend on for entertainment. RIP my addiction to the following: Trading Spaces, Law and Order (without Benjamin Bratt or Jerry Orbach, it's just not the same), The Apprentice, and CSI. I still catch the odd episode here and there of these shows, but not regularly.

Actually, I had to give up watching most forsenic science, unsolved murder mystery shows, both the fiction and the nonfiction-history-channel varieties. It got to the point where I would dream about coming home to find someone cutting up a body in my bath tub or burying a corpse in my back yard. Not sweet dreams. I guess I'm just too susceptible to that kind of stuff right now. Nothing but comedies before bed for me (on those rare nights the TV is on before bed). Old reruns of Cheers or MASH produce much more pleasant dreams.

Speaking of which, my bed is calling me now. Wonder if I dream about anything in particular when I blog right before bed?

A word or two (or five) about Election Day

2005-04-05T21:47:00.000-05:00

Today's blog fodder is brought to you in honor of election day.

We're all familiar with the following term:

-----campaign n. a race between candidates for elective office

but I propose adding the following word to our lexicon:

-----campain n. an election bid so obviously doomed to failure that it hurts to watch.

We know well:

-----politics n. the art or science of government or governing

and unfortunately many of us know all to well:

-----politicks n. governing tactics that suck the lifeblood right out of the people.

Tangentially related to politics:

-----mistake n. an unintentional error

directly related:

-----mistoke n. Clinton did not inhale.

Many of us may have voted on an:

-----amendment n. an alteration proposed or put into effect by legislative or constitutional procedure

Unfortunately blurring the separation line of Church and State, some folks may have seen this on their ballot, the can-I-get-an:

-----"amen"ment n. an (un)constitutional change pushed for by religious fundamentalists.

And finally, in the spirit of fair and balanced word play:

-----bipartisan adj. supported by members of two major political parties

Or the funner version:

-----bipartysan adj. used to describe the guy who will crash the victory celebration, no matter which party gets elected

(Please pardon the dashes and asterisks, but Blogger seems to be eating spaces between lines tonight!)

A primer in sleep deprivation, or how to drive yourself into the ground

2005-04-02T22:15:00.000-06:00

A couple of weeks is all it takes, and you too can drive yourself into an early grave. Be prepared to stay up late, get up multiple times in the middle of the night, and be woken up at the crack of dawn. Can you tell me which of these things does not belong: motherhood, bonding, caring, sleeping. Ding, ding, ding: if you answered "sleeping", you've won! Even though all the books warn you that sleep becomes a thing of the past when you become a parent, it's hard to believe until you experience it first hand. Far from sleeping through the night on a regular basis, our daughter really put her mama through the ringer last week.

Getting up earlier than her usual 7:00 am wake up time wasn't the worst of it. Having no interest in nap time, morning or afternoon, wasn't the worst of it. In fact, even fighting bed time at night wasn't the worst of it. Just imagine yourself crawling into bed at 11:30 to catch a little shut eye. Kind of a bedtime fairy tale for moms, thinking that you might actually get a couple hours of sleep before duty calls. Luckily, reality is there to wake you up and remind you better. Mothers don't get to sleep. Not really. Only in their dreams (ha, ha, ha).

Pursuant to some unwritten but eternal code of babies, tonight is the night that we decide to get back up at 12:30. Quick, up again at 1:30. Replay the entire scenario at 2:30. Scene 1, act 1, take 4: let's try one more time at 3:30 (a.m. by the way, these are all a.m. times, which, in case no one ever told you, really stands for annoy mom). Thank goodness four takes was enough, cause mama was just about to go stab herself in the eyeball with something rusty. Ultimately, the wee one finally did sleep from about 4:00 to 7:00. Very difficult to function on just 3 hours of sleep. When you're an adult, that is; apparently babies are very highly functional on just 3 hours of sleep.

Xmas list for mama: comfy pajamas, clean crisp sheets, relaxing lavender lotion, soothing music, and a new pillow. You just wait till you have kids, then you'll know; ONLY then do you REALLY know. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Christening a New Easter Tradition

2005-03-27T21:06:00.000-06:00

My daughter had her first Easter this weekend, not that she'll remember much of it as she's only six months old. But I'll never forget it. She was baptized at the Saturday evening Easter Vigil service. While it was a lovely service, it was soooooooo loooooooooooooong. It lasted two hours, twice as long as a normal service! It started at 7:00 pm and lasted until 9:00. My poor little girl normally goes to bed about 8:00, and she didn't take very good naps on Saturday. She was so very tired, but really, she was very well behaved all things considered. She didn't cry when the priest sprinkled her forehead with water and shortly thereafter, she fell asleep in her daddy's arms and slept through the last half hour of the service, including communion and several hymns with organ AND BRASS accompaniment. Even the horns didn't rouse her!

She wore the same Christening gown that I wore when I was baptized 32 years ago; it was the same gown that my younger brother wore, and all my first cousins, when they were baptized. It was purchased for me by my godmother Ida Lee out in San Francisco and sent to us in Kansas City. I was baptized with Holy Water from the River Jordan brought back by my Great-Grandma Ruby who went on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land earlier that same year. I don't remember this, but I've been told the story and I've seen the pictures and clippings from the small town newspaper that published my baptism announcement.

Most of my actual childhood Easter memories involve food: Easter dinner, chocolate bunnies, and jelly beans (is it any wonder I'm overweight?). We did go to church, sometimes with my grandparents. I can remember bits and pieces, some of the joyful Easter hymns. But more detail is etched in my mind about Easter candy. Our family had a revised rendition of the egg hunt, the Easter bunny hid jelly beans all over the house for us to find on Easter morning.

While I still want to carry on the great jelly bean hunt with my children, I also want my daughter to hear the story of her Easter baptism every year. It will make the holiday more special for her, I hope, and remind her that Easter is more about the resurrection, new life, and God's love and less about chocolate bunnies.

Going to Kansas City, Kansas City here I come...

2005-03-25T22:30:00.000-06:00

A person's hometown can really shape their personality. As someone who has spent a majority of her life living in Kansas City, I'd like to share some facts about the city I call home.

You know you're from Kansas City when...

...you know that Kansas City is actually two cities in two states, Kansas and Missouri. Therefore, you differentiate the two as KCK and KCMO.

... you are traveling and you tell people you are from Kansas City, even though you don't actually live in Kansas City proper. You live in one of the many suburbs that make up the greater KC metro area.

... if you live on the Kansas side, you think Missouri drivers are pokey and frustrating. If you live on the Missouri side, you think Kansas drivers are crazy and erratic.

... you know just how fierce the KU vs MU rivalry is; and that you'd best pick a side and stay loyal.

... your airport is known as KCI (Kansas City International Airport) yet, the airport code is MCI.

... you tell visitors that your city is the "City of Fountains" and they look at you blankly because no one outside of the city has EVER heard it called that, even though we do have over 200 fountains sprinkled throughout the city.

... you've given the following answers: "Yes, we have tornados." "No, I don't know Dorothy." "No, I've never met the Wizard and I've never been to Oz."

... you Christmas shop at the Plaza and ice skate at Crown Center in the winter.

... you know better than to try and drive through "the triangle" at rush hour.

... you know to get off the interstate if you're headed into downtown and the traffic report says there's an accident at the Benton curve.

... you very rarely actually go downtown, unless you're going to a convention at Bartle Hall, a concert at Kemper, or a play at one of the downtown theatres.

... you've barhopped in Westport.

... you've eaten yummy authentic Mexican food down on Southwest Boulevard.

... you've ridiculed the giant shuttlecock sculptures on the lawn of the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art to your local friends, but defended them to out-of-towners.

... you've driven by President Harry Truman's house in Independence, MO (one of those many KC suburbs).

... you think Johnson County folks are a bit pretentious (even if you are one).

... you've had a Gates BBQ employee shout at you, "May I help you?"

... you've tailgated at a Chiefs football game or seen a baseball game at Kauffman Stadium.

... you only buy Hallmark cards, because you care enough to send the very best - and because Hallmark corporate headquarters is in KC and there's a Hallmark store around every corner!

... you're mad because Nebraska Furniture Mart used to delivery to Kansas City for free, all the way from Omaha, but now that they have a big new NFM store right here in KC, you have to pay for delivery!

... you caught Nascar fever when they built the new racetrack out in KCK.

... you've spent many a day riding rides and eating park food at Worlds of Fun.

... you've watched the American Royal parade and rodeo and sampled BBQ at the annual cookoff.

... you know that KC has a jazz district down at 18th and Vine, but you've never been there.

What kinds of characteristics help define your hometown?

Hair cuts, corn muffins, and tears

2005-03-20T23:08:00.000-06:00

It was a busy weekend around our household. On Saturday, I finally got my hair cut (which has been overdue for practically a year...). I like my hairstylist, she always gives me a good cut; but whenever she styles it, she totally flat-irons and sleeks the heck out of my hair and makes it look like a wet seal has been plastered to my head. Sigh. We also went grocery shopping, dropped off dry cleaning, washed the car, and went to church. Later that evening, I made corn muffins for Sunday lunch and cleaned up the kitchen. Whew!

Sunday, our family celebrated my grandma's 88th birthday. We all converged on her house, brought in lunch. I contributed the corn muffins to compliment my mom's chili. Of course, I could have gotten away with not bringing food, so long as I bring the BABY! She's the star of the show any time we have a family get together. Unfortunately, she had a little too much of a good thing this afternoon. Everytime I tried to get her down for her afternoon nap, someone interrupted. I kept moving to empty rooms, but someone would follow me in and either 1. talk loudly 2. turn on the TV or 3. otherwise make extremely loud noises while trying to be quiet. Sigh.

And I, as mama, of course, bore the brunt of the fall out from this lack o' nap since my daughter decided to scream bloody murder the entire drive home. All. Forty. Minutes. For awhile, I cried with her. She doesn't normally cry for so long, but we were the only ones in the car on the highway. I was afraid if I stopped to try and console her, it would only make things worse. So we drove on: speeding, crying, me feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my body and was being drug behind the car. She finally cried herself out and fell asleep less than 3 minutes from the house!

A penny for your thoughts poems

2005-03-20T20:14:00.000-06:00

A helping of Haiku, a limerick for spice, and some free verse for dessert.

Persistent and calm,
Rain drumming on the rooftop
Lulls me back to sleep.

Angry daffodils
Forced out of hibernation
By warm spring sunshine.

There once was a baby so happy
The pride of her mammy and pappy
That the poem mom wrote
Was such a sweet note
All accused mom of being quite sappy.
(And that's why this limerick's so crappy...)

Tired and incoherent,
she pushes the hair out of her face
and rolls out of bed.
Her body creaks and aches like a
disused old machine, rusty and lethargic.
She shuffles down the hall
into the darkened nursery.
Picking up the warm peeping little bundle,
she settles down into the rocking chair,
a mama bear cradling her cub.
She fusses with her clothing
and settles the babe in for feeding.
Love and hormones wash slowly over her,
lapping at her exhaustion,
eroding her tension.
Relaxed, the child's head falls back
mouth open, long eyelashes sleeping
on the pinked ivory cheeks.
She rocks a little longer,
unwilling to burst the bubble.
Soon enough, she lays her little one
back in the crib, and leaves the room.
Crawling back into her own bed,
the cocoon of covers no longer warm,
she sighs and falls back asleep.
She is mother, hear her snore.

A Compendium of 100 Useless Factoids

2005-03-16T21:41:00.000-06:00

1. I’m Episcopalian.
2. I pursued mathematics all through school, even earned a bachelor’s degree in mathematics, all because the little boy who sat beside me in sixth grade said that girls couldn’t do math.
3. I don’t really like math.
4. I much prefer literature and creative writing.
5. I was addicted to the Sci-Fi channel series Farscape for the first season, posted on the fan bulletin boards, conversed in the fan chat rooms, and I haven’t seen a single episode since then and there’s been like 3 more seasons.
6. I met my husband through a personal ad on the internet.
7. My husband is a Canadian.
8. He immigrated to the US to marry me.
9. I have night terrors, complete with screaming, talking in my sleep, and occasionally sleepwalking.
10. The first time I hear a new song on the radio, I instantly know if it’s going to become a huge number one hit.
11. I’ve fired about a dozen different kinds of firearms, from a 22 caliber pea shooter to a double barrel shotgun.
12. And I briefly belonged to the NRA.
13. I took piano lessons for 8 years growing up.
14. The only songs I can still play from memory are Fur Elise, The Spinning Song, Chopsticks, and Heart & Soul.
15. When I was in grade school we had a Yorkshire terrier named Winston that died really young from the Parvo Virus- please vaccinate your pets!
16. I was valedictorian of my graduating class in high school.
17. I have my paternal grandfather's nose. (Not in a jar or anything, eww gross, what I mean is my nose looks just like his did.)
18. I hate my hair. I've always hated my hair.
19. I love classic movies, particularly old romantic comedies or musicals.
20. My face is covered in freckles (which I love) and big pores (which I hate).
21. My parents are still married to each other, as are my grandparents.
22. I'm a very UN-graceful swimmer and though I may LOOK like I'm drowning, I'm probably OK. Unless I'm screaming, then, for heaven's sake, throw me a line!
23. This month I learned to make pie crust from scratch and baked my first banana cream pie with homemade filling and real meringue!
24. I’m allergic to cats.
25. My favorite concert ever was the Eagles.
26. I collect fountain pens.
27. I’m pretty good at fancy gift wrapping, Martha Stewart look out!
28. When I was in 1st grade, my best friend and I would play Cassiopea and Athena from Battlestar Galactica and fight over who got Apollo and who got Starbuck.
29. My favorite soft drink is Dr. Pepper.
30. Even at my age, I’m still a little afraid of the dark.
31. Currently, my favorite TV shows are E.R., Lost, and Desperate Housewives.
32. I scored 35 on the ACT in 1990.
33. From Kindergarten through 11th grade, the only sandwich to ever grace my lunch box was peanut butter and grape jelly on white bread.
34. I’m a season ticket holder to the KC Theatre League and Starlight Theater.
35. I used to give my great-grandmother manicures.
36. I used to get in trouble for reading in bed with a flashlight when I was little.
37. My first car was a silver 1979 Firebird.
38. I totally did not appreciate what a cool car I had back then.
39. I think a sense of humor is the sexiest trait a man can have.
40. I have really big boobs. Even before I became overweight, I had really big boobs.
41. My dog is a ten year old lab-collie mutt named Bear. He’s black and furry and weighs about 75 lbs.
42. I need to lose about 75 lbs.
43. I wear glasses and sometimes contacts. Without them I’m practically blind as a bat.
44. I prefer to be shoeless whenever possible.
45. My favorite diamond cut is a princess or square cut.
46. For several years, I hated (HATED) country music, but now it doesn’t bother me as much. It’s still not my top choice, but I actually like a few of the songs.
47. Like “It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long” by the Notorious Cherry Bombs. That video cracks me up.
48. Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but I was actually hooked on the very first season of Nashville Star; I haven’t watched any of the subsequent seasons, though.
49. I haven’t had my hair cut in nearly a year, can you say “split-end city”?
50. Kansas City is my hometown, but I spent the formative preteen and teenage years just outside Raleigh, NC in a town called Cary.
51. When I get REALLY tired, or REALLY tipsy, sometimes the southern drawl will pop back up in my speech.
52. I love Frank Lloyd Wright designs and architecture.
53. I got to play FLW’s piano at Taliesin West in Scottsdale, Arizona.
54. I’ve actually tried the Olympic sport of Curling, but I’m too much of a klutz on the ice to be any good at it.
55. My idea of the perfect vacation is a beautiful beach, warm sand, peaceful waves, a lounge chair, a big umbrella, a stack of romance novels and crime thrillers, and a fruity drink.
56. And sunscreen, as I am possibly the whitest white girl that I know.
57. I bought the entire Time Life “Sounds of the Eighties” CD collection.
58. So did my husband, before we ever met. So now we have two sets!
59. My favorite cake is German Chocolate.
60. I drink skim milk and my husband drinks 1%. Neither of us will compromise so there are always 2 different gallons in our fridge.
61. I’ve never mowed the lawn.
62. I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism.
63. I take medicine daily for a thyroid deficiency.
64. I’m right handed.
65. I exceed the posted speed limit on a regular basis.
66. I prefer white wine over red.
67. I prefer beer over wine.
68. I used to be able to drink a long neck bottle of beer with no hands using only my cleavage (see item 36) when I was younger and more flexible.
69. I used to chew my cuticles.
70. I have three piercings, all in my ears.
71. I hardly ever wear earrings anymore.
72. My mother wouldn’t let me get my ears pierced until I was sixteen. Even then, my aunt took me to get them pierced.
73. I don’t have my gall bladder anymore.
74. I used to work as a dealer on the craps table at private casino parties.
75. I love playing craps, but am too conservative to actually gamble real money.
76. I’m a registered Republican.
77. My favorite cartoon character is Winnie-the-Pooh.
78. I decorated my daughter’s nursery with Classic Pooh.
79. Seeing my daughter smile and hearing her laugh sends my heart right up into the sky.
80. I like my sleep, I miss my sleep. That’s the one thing that I would change about pregnancy and parenthood; I would make it possible for moms to get more sleep.
81. I have a younger brother who is artistic and cool.
82. I can crochet, but only really simple stuff like a neck scarf or a small blanket.
83. I like a soft bristled toothbrush.
84. I do the crossword puzzle in the newspaper nearly every day.
85. I consider myself a good listener. You learn more by listening than by talking.
86. I also think being a good listener makes me a better friend.
87. I’m deeply conflicted about wanting to stay at home with my daughter and wanting to pursue a career outside the home.
88. I get migraine headaches with a preceding visual aura. They’re fun. Lots of fun.
89. I’ve taken dance lessons and know the basic steps for the waltz, rumba, foxtrot, tango, and swing two-step.
90. I collect snowmen and snowflake Christmas decorations.
91. I think I appreciate my mom more than ever, now that I’ve become a mom myself.
92. I worked in a library all through high school and still consider myself a bibliophile.
93. I’m a sorority girl who belonged to an atypically cool smaller sorority.
94. I’m starting to find more and more grey hairs on my noggin (or maybe they’re just easier to spot with all the post-partum hair loss…)
95. I like my eggs scrambled.
96. I think laughter is the most beautiful noise on the planet.
97. I also love the sound of a thunderstorm.
98. I feel like I should be contributing more as a citizen of the planet.
99. I think being a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, and a friend are the most important jobs I’ll ever have.
100. I didn’t think I was going to be able to come up with 100 things!

I Want (An Exercise in Indulging the Imagination)

2005-03-13T22:06:00.000-06:00

I want to be an impoverished writer, living in a ramshackle little house three blocks from the beach (not on the beachfront, because I can’t afford it). I want to wait tables at some little local dive with the best BLT sandwiches and decent coffee and homemade pastries. I want to know all the regular customers by name. I want to spend my off time sitting on the sand dunes, feeling the ocean breeze and writing in my notebook. I want to write stories about the people I know in this sleepy little coastal town.

I want to live in a high rise loft apartment that has been decorated by someone like Vern Yip from Trading Spaces: all clean lines and soothing colors. I want to be friends with the doorman of my building. I want to have a car service that takes me anywhere I need to go. I want to be independently wealthy so I don’t have to work. I want to spend my time working for charity causes and immersing myself in art and culture. I want a cedar-lined walk-in closet full of tailor-made clothing and expensive shoes and handbags.

I want to be a professor, teaching college algebra and business math at some small state university in small-town America. I want to have a perfectly behaved big lab-collie mix dog that follows me everywhere without a leash and lies at my feet while I grade papers and catches a Frisbee in the quad with my students. I want to live in a little Tudor cottage at the edge of campus that is half-covered in ivy and completely full of old books and real vinyl records. I want to shop at the local vintage clothing store and wear funky outfits with outlandish hats.

I want to be the matriarch of a big family. I want to be able to cook mouth-watering meals from scratch without strictly following a recipe. I want all my children’s friends to try and finagle dinner invitations to our house on a regular basis. I want to be an earth-mother type who always has the needed item in her over-sized purse, be it a tissue, a breath mint, extra pain reliever pills, something to write with, a sewing kit, or a spare bandage. I want to belong to the PTA and bake for school fundraisers. I want to stand up for the First Amendment and Freedom of Speech when the overly conservative parents at the school try to ban books off the reading lists or censor the school literary magazine.

I want to use my voice to earn a living and I’m not talking about $3.99 a minute dirty talk either. I want to read aloud for books on tape and voice-overs on commercials. I want to be the voice of a popular cartoon character and have signed animation cells of my character decorating my walls. I want to be the voice you hear when you dial into a company’s automated menu of “press one for customer service, press two for billing.” I want to drink hot tea with lemon every night to protect my throat and have my vocal cords insured by Lloyds of London in case of laryngitis.

I want to be a best-selling novelist with a legion of faithful readers. I want to be on the NY Times bestseller list every year or two. I want to have too much fan mail to answer personally. I want to have a famous pseudonym so that my private life and my real name are unknown to the fans. I want to lead a normal life, except for all the fabulous things I can buy with all the book royalties: vacations around the world, fancy cars, a gonzo house, and gifts for all my friends and family. I want my books to be optioned for films. I want to go to Hollywood and be a consultant on the screenplay and meet Russell Crowe who is starring in the movie version of my book.

I want to lead an archaeological dig in a jungle or desert somewhere remote and unknown. I want to sweat with the underpaid graduate students and get my hands dirty brushing dust off ancient carvings. I want to have a passport that has stamps from all the countries with ancient civilizations. I want to discover a fabulous relic, like the tomb of a king or the next Rosetta Stone.

I want to be a talent scout for a big record label. I want to travel all over the country to hear unknown bands playing in bars for free beer. I want to immediately recognize the next great talent and sign them to a sweetheart deal. I want to get acknowledged in their Grammy speech a few years later.

I want to be me, only 6 stone lighter. I want to be lean and flexible and cardio-vascularly fit. I want to do Yoga and Tai Chi on alternating days. I want to eat healthy over 90% of the time, but allow myself to indulge on special occasions. I want to participate in charity walk-a-thons and wear a number on my back. I want to pass on healthy lifestyle habits to my daughter so she hopefully won’t suffer through the weight struggles that I fight daily.

I want to be a good wife, a good mom, a good employee, a good friend. I want to read more and watch less television. I want to be thought of as someone who is a good listener. I want to be known for my sense of humor. I want to be a little less self-deprecating and a little more proud of myself. I want to be happy and I want those around me to be happy.

I don’t want much.