Brains through Osmosis

Sometimes I think that the baby is developing its grey matter by sucking all MY brain cells down into its own little head. There are several points that I can use to prove this theory.



Point 1 - The Soap Dispenser Incident



As a pregnant lady, I frequent the ladies room, uh, frequently. Nothing unusual about that. So, for someone who has used the same ladies room at my office, multiple times a day, for years now, you would think I could pretty much handle the routine, right?



Well, a couple of weeks ago, I waddle on down to the ladies room. I'm happy to find the handicapped stall unoccupied (it never used to matter, but the higher commode has its advantages...). So, I take care of business, then I belly up to the sink to wash my hands. (None of this is rocket science, right?) I turn on the faucet, and reach over to the liquid soap dispenser. It's the kind of dispenser you find in retail and restaurant bathrooms the world around. Nothing fancy, nothing complicated. You simply cup your hand underneath as you press the little bar and, voila, liquid soap is dispensed into your hand. Unless you are pregnant and the baby is sucking away all your brain cells. If that's the case, then you reach over and press the little bar WITHOUT cupping your hand underneath and watch in astonishment as that little stream of pink liquid soap falls unimpeded down onto the counter and pools prettily beside the sink.



What's wrong with me?!?!? Oh yeah, I'm pregnant.



Point 2- The Good Samaritan



Last night I'm driving home alone from a movie. This older woman pulls up next to me at a stoplight and motions for me to roll down my window. She then asks if Such-and-Such Road is coming up soon. I tell her, yes, the next light is Such-and-Such. She smiles and says thank you.



The light changes green and we both proceed. At the next stop light, I look over and smile and wave as the woman turns right onto This-and-That Drive. Wait! This isn't Such-and-Such Road, it's This-and-That Drive. What have I done?!? This poor woman is going to be so lost!!! Such-and-Such Road isn't for another TWO lights! I feel like such a cad. Even though I didn't do it on purpose, I still feel horrible!



What's wrong with me?!?!? Oh yeah, baby is SUCKING my brain cells.



Point 3 - Dinner from a Kit



My husband is the best. He does as much cooking as me. He's a whiz at anything resembling a casserole where you dump everything in one dish and bake for 30 minutes. He can also whip up pretty good kit dinners, you know, where everything comes in one box or frozen bag, and you just follow directions, maybe add your own meat. And he's a demon on the gas grill, lately his Pork Chops have been killer.



So, this past weekend, I decide that he's busy mowing, so I should make dinner. I pull out a frozen bag kit dinner: Santa Fe Chicken. Everything is included. Just warm up and brown the frozen chicken pieces in the skillet, then add the rice and beans mixture, top with ranchero sauce and serve. Easy-peasy, right?



So, it turns out more like Blackened Chicken Alcatraz. It was awful. I think I was reading the temperature gauge on the electric skillet upside down or backwards. I kept turning the dial to lower the heat, but I must've been increasing the heat. The chicken was burned, the rice was over-fried. And, to top it all off, I didn't top it off with the ranchero sauce. I forgot it! So, the whole mess was burnt and dry.



What's wrong with me?!?!? Oh yeah, pregnancy-induced parasitic brain osmosis.



This baby better turn out pretty durn smart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!