Five Things I've Learned the Hard Way

1. Don't do crafts involving glitter at the same table where you serve meals unless you enjoy your food garnished with sparkles.

2. Don't iron naked if you have droopy, pendulous breasts. OWWWWW!!! Burnt boobies; I'll say no more.

3. Don't buy your daughter a Kidz Bop 80s Gold CD when you've heard the Mamma Mia! soundtrack four times a day for 30 days straight. I was thinking ANYTHING would be better than listening to Mamma Mia! one more time; but take it from me, I was WRONG. Kidz Bop makes me want to find a Phillips head screwdriver and plunge it deep into my ear canal. Of course my daughter... totally L.O.V.E.S it.

4. Stainless steel isn't REALLY stainless. And, yes, you can actually burn water.

5. One container of french onion dip and one bag of potato chips are not proportionately equivalent. You'll always end up with left-overs of one or the other. This forces you to then buy more of the depleted provision, but then you run out of the left-overs WAY before you even make a dent in the new stock. It's a viscious, evil, self-perpetuating cycle.