Books, books, and more books

After posting my rant against The Road, here's a list of better stuff I've read lately...

• First 3 books of the Shopaholic series (fun, flighty, fast reads)
• Wicked (fascinating, a little heavier into politics/philosophy than I expected) (also, I must note here that books which publish their own questions/topics for book club discussion as an afterward are a bit pretentious)
• Books 6 and 7 of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency (light and enjoyable reads, not heavy on the action, but beautiful language and engaging characters)
• Magyk (a mediocre YA fantasy to fill the Harry Potter void)
• The Twilight series (much better YA fantasy to fill the HP void with vampires instead of wizards)
• Women's Murder Club series, books 3 and 4 (actually been listening to these on unabridged audio, I'm way behind on this series)

Top Ten Books I read in 2007
(in alphabetical order, because it's just too hard to rank them...)

1. The Book of the Dead (Agent Pendergast series, Book 7) by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child
2. A Breath of Snow and Ashes (Outlander series, Book 6) by Diana Gabaldon
3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Book 7) by J. K. Rowling
4. Katherine by Anya Seton
5. Lean Mean Thirteen (Stephanie Plum series, Book 13) by Janet Evanovich
6. Metro Girl by Janet Evanovich
7. On Writing by Stephen King (honorable mention to Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill, son of Stephen King)
8. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
9. To Darkness and to Death (A Rev. Clare Fergusson/Russ Van Alstyne Mystery, Book 4) by Julia Spencer-Fleming
10. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

So, you might have noticed from my list that I'm a sucker for serial fiction. If a writer is a decent storyteller and makes me emotionally invested in the characters, I keep coming back for more. Last summer I discovered the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich and quickly caught up on all 12 novels so I'd be ready for number 13 this past fall. It's fun reading.

Lately, I've been all about fun in my reading materials. If I want bleak reality or ethics and morality debate, I can tune into the evening news or (gag) presidential campaign coverage.

(My blogger template replaces numbered lists with bullets! ARGH. Anybody know how to fix this in the template HTML?)

Mini Lit Review: The Road, by Cormac McCarthy

I just finished this much-ballyhooed novel and, honestly, it's going in the pile of books for resale to the Half-Price Books outlet (along with half a dozen cheesy romances, some hideously crafted chick lit, and some painful self-important attempts at science fiction).

Top Ten Reasons Why I Didn't Like The Road

1. It was RIFE with sentence fragments.
2. It was peppered with contractions missing their apostrophe.
3. The dialogue is written in the irritatingly popular "quotation-mark-free" style.
4. When not inching the plot forward along with the movement of father and son across the wasteland, the author describes the grey, ashy, dead world over and over and over; I got tired of him beating the same dead, old grey mare. (Writing exercise 101: how many ways can you describe a post-apocalyptic landscape? Now, cram them ALL into one thin novel and reap the rewards.)
5. Bleak, bleak, bleak storyline ends with a somewhat unbelievable redemption which feels like a complete cop-out.
6. I should've known better than to fall for an Oprah endorsement again. Every book club selection she makes is depressing: life is mainly sucky, but here's a little 5% ray of hope to bring a tear to your eye.
7. Bursts of gore, like something out of a George Romero movie, were potent and off-putting when joined with this tale of fatherly love. I like a good horror story as much as the next guy, but the horrific episodes felt like cheap shots. I haven't read any other McCarthy novels, but apparently gore is his schtick.
8. The narrative of the journey gets interrupted for hodge-podge philosophical ponderings and the occasional blurb of wording that can only be described as an attempt to hide poetry within the prose; it's as if he's saying, "I'm too cool to actually be a poet, but isn't this turn of phrase stunning?"
9. None of the characters have names, which just bothers me.
10. Did I mention the sentence fragments, lack of apostrophes, and the dialogue without quotation marks???

TMI at the Dentist

A couple of years ago, I had a particularly bad experience with a lady dentist who was chosen by virtue of the fact that 1) she was on the list of approved dentists for my insurance and 2) her office was walking distance from my office. Yes, I now know that these are not the most important qualities to consider when choosing a person who is paid to inflict pain upon you and berate you for less than stellar performance in the flossing arena.

So I'd gone in for a couple of cleanings, no major problems. But when I actually had to go in for a filling, the job was painful and my tears ignored. In fact, the dentist was joking, borderline making-fun-of my "low" pain threshold. I actually have a very high pain threshold (thanks to migraines, natural childbirth, and an ungodly number of shaving nicks attributable to cheap razors). To add insult to injury, this dentist spent ten minutes chatting to her sons (who were interning at her office that summer) about where they were going for lunch and who would be there and which car to take, etc. etc. etc. while she was in the middle of working on my teeth! Actually, she just sat there with her hands and tools idly in my mouth, hanging out, as it were, waiting to finish the conversation before continuing with my torture. So, after this traumatic cavity experience I didn't go to the dentist for almost 2 years.

Feeling guilty and a little scummy in the choppers, I finally broke down and chose a new dentist about 6 months ago. Once again, I let geography dictate the choice, this time choosing the dentist nearest my home (yeah, I know, I know, but it worked out OK this time). And I liked his name. And I like the nice office manager/receptionist who strikes me as a warm Jewish mother type, though not my mother, thus without all that guilt and nagging. (I now realize guilt and nagging are universal mothering tools of the trade, and not particular to Jewish mothers; perhaps they're just renowned for having perfected the art...)

So, I go in for my LONG overdue cleaning and check-up and relate my tale of woe and grief from my last dental disaster. The dentist asks who this monster-dentist was, and when I share her name, he shakes his head and says, "I'm just not going to say anything." I figure he's been brought up in the old-school "if you can't say anything nice..." method. Anywho...

I get a filling and a crown replaced with my new dentist, who uses giggle gas, and why-oh-why haven't I ever gone that route before! No tears, no jokes at my expense. My faith in dentistry is restored.

So, shortly after my return to good oral hygiene, I joined my husband in the Sonicare toothbrush revolution and I'm a complete convert now. Teeth feel super slick and clean all the time now. And at my 6 month check up this week, I got an A+ on my professional exam and an appointment for 6 months from now.

I did have a different dental hygienist this time and I got an earful while she was checking me and doing the cleaning. I walked in holding a book.

"Oh, are you a reader? Do you like mysteries? I love mysteries. Janet Evanovich is my favorite." (I gargle in agreement.) "I like those cat mysteries too, but not the lesbian mysteries. I love animals. I have 4 dogs at home now." Followed by more information than any stranger ought to know about adult kids returned home (with spouses and girlfriends and pets), son in the service, son-in-law in jail for abusing her grandkids, mother-in-law with Alzheimers... ALL this, with much more detail, and fewer breaks than the above punctuation implies. And you can't actually comment, what with all the dental implements in your mouth, which, in this case, is actually merciful, because, really, what the hell do you say to someone who spills out this personal litany while cleaning your teeth?

After my cleaning was completed and I was ready to go, I think I said something along the lines of, "OK, then. Um, thanks for the new floss." I was numb from the level of TMI in the cubicle and dying to just get-the-hell-out-of-Dodge. What can one say in a situation like this? I'll be prepared next time with one of the following comebacks:

a) "Wow, your life sucks! How do you manage to drag your @ss out of bed every morning?"
b) "Thanks for making me realize how normal my life is, comparatively speaking."
c) "OK, then. Um, thanks for the new toothbrush."

What do you think?