Insincerely

Dear Unspecified Child from MissM's Preschool:
Thank you ever so much for teaching my girl how to swallow air and burp on demand. She has become quite adept at the technique and uses every opportunity to display her new found talent. Everyone finds it quite charming delightful interesting. Really, we can't tell you how much we appreciate your thoughtful sharing.
Insincerely,
MissM's Parents

Dear Woman who Gave me the Evil-Eye at the Grocery Store Today:
Thank you ever so much for caring enough to disapprove of the unsightly bruise blossoming under my daughters right eye. A shiner like that, created from losing your balance at the kitchen table and falling out of your seat and right smack into the edge of the table, is really quite a spectacle, I agree. Unfortunately, my daughter shares 50% of my DNA and I'm fairly certain that includes my incredible klutz gene; so, in a way, it is my fault.
Insincerely,
MissM's Mom (aka Mrs. I-swear-I'm-not-beating-my-child)

Dear Left Eyelid:
As part of my body, you're fully aware that I've been planning to get some kind of regular exercise routine established. And I appreciate your obvious enthusiam for the plan, demonstrated by your recent involuntary workouts (so much healthier sounding than "twitching"). But I think I need something all-encompassing to achieve my desired results. So take some time off from your little aerobic activities, you deserve it! And, I'm not stressed, by the way; so seriously, cut it out.
Insincerely,
Mrs. M
P.S. OK, so maybe I'm a little stressed. But you are not helping.

Dear Former Boss of my husband:
*****Content has been removed, pursuant to my desire to keep this entry pleasant and polite and I honestly can't think of anything polite to say to that man that doesn't contain one of the following verbs: suck, stick, eat, or worse.*****
Insincerely,
Wife of Mr. M