Revocable Offenses

There are certain things that other drivers do that annoy and offend me more than they should. I mean, really, why do I care about their atrocious, rude, sometimes downright dangerous behavior? I just do. We all share the roads, we should all play nice. And when you don't play nice... well, I think we should just REVOKE your license to drive.

People don't get it. Driving is not a right. It's a privilege. You earn it by passing a test. You maintain it by driving safely and sanely. I also personally believe you should drive courteously. Alas and alack, common courtesy has apparently gone the way of common sense. They've both retired to a small uncharted tropical island somewhere and are sipping fruity beverages on the beach while bemoaning the state of the world without them.

Anyway, back to driving. Here are some examples of discourteous driving:

• seeing that lanes are converging and a line of traffic is backing up to accommodate the merge but you BLAZE right on by all the folks waiting their turn and butt in at the front just before the actual merge
• speeding up when someone tries to pass you, then slowing down when they give up, only to repeat the cycle 5 minutes later
• driving in someone's blind spot
• not using the available turning lane and, instead, blocking traffic while waiting to turn
• not using your turn signals (this is only a non-issue if it's 3 a.m. and no one else is on the road)
• being over the age of 17 but still driving around in a car where the back dash is decorated with stuffed animals or beanie babies
• decorating your car with decals of anyone urinating on anything (and I used to think the silver sexy-girl-silhouette mudflaps were tacky...)
• driving a wanna-be luxury car like a Hyundai Sonata, I mean really, you're not fooling anyone, we all know you paid for your car with box tops and the spare change from your sofa cushions, and we are not going to mistake it for a BMW or Mercedes

OK, so maybe the last three shouldn't cause your license to be revoked, but you should at least have to pay a fine.

We were at a party last year where one of the white elephant gifts was a book of fill-in-the-blank "tickets" that you could write up and leave on people's cars. There were some pre-printed offenses, like "learn to park between the lines" and "what part of 'No Parking Zone' do you not understand". I wish we had won those babies, I'd issue tickets left and right. Of course, only if I could do it anonymously. I can gripe a good game, but in real life, I'm totally non-confrontational. Would you like to cut me off in traffic? Please do, and have a nice day.

I used to curse at folks that drove like maniacs. Now I say a prayer, "please God, don't let them hurt anyone". I figure karma will catch up with them eventually, maybe one of those times that they actually slow down a little to take a corner...